Saturday, December 26, 2009

Ronald Weinland: Dang It! Laura's a Prophet, too!

A Prophet’s Log (Flush)
Restoring All Things (Summary)
Countdown: 880 Days
Remaining Sabbaths: 126
Fulfilled Prophecies: 0

Ron's Death Toll: 0

False prophet, apostle, spokesman Witness of Revelation and Elijah to come speaks from a place without a sound system in Orlando, FL resulting in a delay for the most powerful prophet ever.

Hopefully, the delay will cut out some of Ron’s sermon filler. (It didn't. He went over.) What mysteries will Ron reveal? Ron is going to read his post (ugh) and states there will be a new post becausebecause you all know… and offers no further explanation. (Whatever)

A church member’s son is diagnosed with leukemia and Ron does not heal him.

The Elijah to come is to restore all things. What are all things? Ron rails against critics of HWA pounding the podium. (Sheesh) Boring. The things to be restored are those things necessary for God to fulfill prophecy. (What are those things?) God is using the church to ‘get things ready’. (Like what?) *yawn* (Ron hasn’t really specified anything he is going to restore – just a bunch of yacking.) Oh, there’s supposed to be a bunch more baptisms – this is part of Elijah’s job. *yawn* Not tens of thousands, but hundreds of thousands. (Yeah, right.)

There are going to be more elders – in a ministerial capacity. They will do the baptizing. Blah, blah, blah, blah…. Ron’s going to begin a new wave of ordinations. He will lay hands on the elders and they will lay hands on others. Hundreds of thousands will be baptized. Blah, blah, blah, blah…. (We will be listening for news of this.) The order will be Senior Elder, Elder, Associate (or ministerial) Elder. Being an Associate Elder is not like being an Associate at Wal-Mart or is it? Ron's pawning off all the baptisms he is supposed to do the elders. Delegate your way to success!

Ron reassures his audience that the COG ministers he cursed to die several years ago will die (Yes, they will!) and when they do it just goes to show that Ron is God’s End Time prophet. *Yawn* The total dead from Ron’s self-selected Thunder so far: 0

Ron promises to remove any minister that would preach something different than he and quickly, too. Blah, blah, blah, blah…. So, really, they would just be parrots wouldn't they?

Women will be ordained as 'ministerial' elders, not to preach or teach, but to baptize the hundreds of thousands that will soon be storming PKG's doors. (Let us in!)

Where are we left? We have more predictions from an already failed prophet that will go unfulfilled. Of course, the influx probably won't occur until after the 5th Trumpet. We're still (for those of us playing along) stuck on the 1st Trumpet waiting for the 2nd. What will Ron be saying mid 2011 when Europe hasn't 'done what it's supposed to do' and 'China hasn't risen up'? The whole 'Elijah to come' thing is so much filler - nothing to it really. Ron saw title he could take and create 'excitement' with because it was associated with The Two Witnesses. What new thing has Ron done, really?

The interesting thing is he hasn't mentioned Moses in association to the other Witness. But, even if he did, so what? It is just redefining something in scripture. Preachers do that kind of crap all the time and it is soooo significant they tell you! Bah! It's pretty stock to create your own identity and backstory from biblical passages. It entraps minds.

I think we'll be back to filler sermons soon, after the 'excitement' of this new doct- *yawn* -rine washes through his sermons.

How many PKGers will be hanging on Ron's words through December 2011? How much longer will the coming fast in February delay the 2nd Trumpet? We'll see.

One thing Ron can't control is the 83 y/o Pope's health. The one Jesus told him would be Pope when He Returned. If Ratzinger passes away before May 2012, then events would contradict Jesus' own words delivered to the church by Ron. I think this is the only thing that could trip him up sooner than the continuing non-occurrence of his prophecies. He can only explain their delay until around late 2011. By then, he better have an escape plan or a good retirement stash.

Someone else with an Elijah delusion too and he sounds like Ron.

On a lighter note, see some of Dill Weed, Junior’s little friends and an old home movie of some of his relatives.

Tick Tock.

Your time runs short, Ron Weinland. Judgment day is coming.
Dill Weed

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

False Prophet, Apostle, Spokesman Witness of Revelation and 'Elijah to Come' Renews Curse of Death!

Say it ain't so!

But, sadly it is.

False prophet, apostle, spokesman Witness of Revelation and End Time Elijah *yawn* has renewed his curse of death on certain COG ministers and those with the gall to mock him.

Shocking, I know. You can read all about it on his blog here. Or you could just take my word for it. Ahh, reading it on his blog isn't that bad. I mean the worse thing that can happen to you is what happened to Dill Weed, Jr. above - a sudden cat nap!

All kidding aside, for some one appointed by God as his End Time Prophet, Apostle, Spokeman Witness of Revelation and (pauses for breath) End Time 'Elijah to Come', Ron seems pretty toothless. Wake up, Jr.

Tick Tock

Dill Weed

Sunday, December 20, 2009

We Approach the Middle of the Beginning of The End

A Prophet’s Log (Flush)
The Elijah to Come (Summary)
Countdown: 887 Days
Remaining Sabbaths: 127
Fulfilled Prophecies: 0

Speaking from Georgia this week, the false prophet complains about the weather – weather he supposed to be able to change.

Ron reads from an old magazine about his idol, Herbert Armstrong, *Yawn* This is supposed to lead up to the ‘new doctrine’.

HWA had an advisory council, Ron states he does not need one because Jesus speaks to him directly and there’s no arguing with Jesus and therefore no arguing with Ron.

Is Ron the latter day John the Baptist? Nope.

He is the Elijah to come.

Well. That is not a big surprise the bible speaks of the Two Witnesses as like Elijah and Moses. Then, Laura is the Moses to come. Ron claims this is *yawn* part of the Thunders. Whatever.

Incredible. Dumbfounding. Awesome to understand. Ridiculous to hear.

So will on get more Super Powers?

At 57:30, Ron says “that certain things were written that are going to happen to certain people because of what Elijah had to say that happened to the prophets of Baal.” Seems he’s referring to the COG ministers he cursed and maybe even to certain mockers he also cursed.

Ron says the day will come when he won’t have to pay for radio or TV. Watch out Google!

Ron promises more future dumbfounding. I’ve had my fill for today.

Tick Tock.

Your time runs short, Ron Weinland. Judgment day is coming.
Dill Weed

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Ronald Weinland: Adds to the Bible

A Prophet’s Log (Flush)
Our Journey of Faith Pt. 7 (Summary)
Countdown: 894 Days
Remaining Sabbaths: 128
Fulfilled Prophecies: 0

Bloomington, IL this week.

894 days left and Ron is feeling the heat.

Prophecy is God’s responsibility. If God changes prophecy after he gives it to Ron, it is not evidence that Ron is a false prophet! If Ron prophesies are wrong, take it up with God. The 50th Untruth is like a scab Ron can’t stop picking at.

God establishes doctrine in church through apostles not prophets. Good thing Ron adopted the title apostle a couple weeks ago, after initially denying it because...

Ron is going to give new doctrine that can’t be found in the Old Testament or in the New Testament.

BOOM! Ron is going to add to the bible! He’ll now be a bible writer too! (This is too good!) Ron expects some defections. (Heh-heh-heh)

He has to keep changing his story to attempt to maintain some credibility.
Hopefully, this won’t be anti-climatic.

I’ll keep Dill Weed, Jr. up by occasionally pulling his tail. (Hee-Hee)

Tick Tock.

Your time runs short, Ron Weinland. Judgment day is coming.
Dill Weed

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Ronald Weinland the Apostle, Prophet and Spokesman Witness God Kept in the Dark.

A Prophet’s Log (Flush)
Our Journey of Faith Pt. 6 (Summary)
Countdown: 901 Days
Remaining Sabbaths: 129
Fulfilled Prophecies: 0

From Erie, PA today God’s apostle, End Time prophet and spokesman Witness speaks and reads from an old magazine article.

Ron notes that new people keep joining. (Dang!) And then that people wise up and leave. (Yeah!)

Benjamin sent an email out stating why he left. Maybe it will surface.

Ron says nothing justifies leaving the Truth. Ron worries about members losing interest in his sermons. (Too late for that, knucklehead.)

Ron notes that we’re in a lull – nothing is much is happening 1 year into the Great Tribulation.

Ron promises profound news about the thunders, but you have to be able to see it. (Hmm)

Ron speaking of truths he reveals - you don't have the right to question the truth. You have to prove it to yourselves. When people start asking questions its not to long before Ron gets exposed. (Hee-hee)

Ron announces a February fast. He states the following year will be "dumbfounding".

He remarks on the ministers he cursed to die quickly from within who haven't died yet that it is coming in "God's time." (Which appears not to be quickly at least.)

When will the 2nd Trumpet sound? Ron doesn’t know.

When will the economy of the US crash once and for all? Ron doesn’t know.

When will the things of the 1st Trumpet occur? Ron doesn’t know.
Ron hints it might be a year until they happen.

Why is God keeping his End Time apostle, prophet and Spokesman Witness in the dark? Is Ron guilty some secret sin, perhaps the sin of pride that he rails about so frequently? Has he lost God’s favor perhaps with his presumptuous predictions?

Tick Tock.

Your time runs short, Ron Weinland. Judgment day is coming.
Dill Weed