Sunday, January 25, 2009

Ronald Weinland’s ‘Not So Great Tribulation.’

A Prophet’s Log (Flushing Sound)
Countdown: 1216 Days
Number of Fulfilled Prophecies: 0
Esther Pt. 2 (Sermon Summary)
1/24/09 and Still No 2nd Trumpet (Well, whadda you know?)

Woe to Ronald Weinland for you claim a station you have not been given. Woe to Ronald Weinland for you prophesy falsely in the name of God.

Ron welcomes some new suckers… err members. Ron seems cheerful, but you know his mood can spin on a dime especially when he starts talking about his fetish, humility. Ron says his message won’t be received unless God opens their minds. (Huh) Seems to me most people would hear his message with an open, but critical mind. Calling what you have the “Truth” closes down any potential questioning. (Grrr)

Ron says the group is a spiritual family – a lot of cults say the same thing.

Ron purchased some wine. (Why didn’t he just turn water into wine? That must not be working, yet.) More fast talk… Blah, blah, blah, blah….

Rumblings going on? Discontent among the membership in these Last Days? (Damn questioners!) Nobody can understand why ‘the church’ was scattered except believers. (Eye roll. Sounds like crap to me.) Blah, blah, blah, blah….
Blah, blah, blah, blah…. Ron gets worked up about the Sabbath. We’re special. Only we understand. (And of course that understanding comes through Ron. (Ugh.)

Hey Ron, how about prophesying and stating that you are prophesying? A prophetic test. Show that you are one of the Two Witnesses!

Esther and Mordeci…. Blah, blah, blah, blah…. (Ron messes up their relationship and the Second Witness corrects him (when asked, of course, showing her submission. Hee-hee.) He says he’s not good at some things. (I say, Ron is not good at a lot of things.) Blah, blah, blah, blah…. Blah, blah, blah, blah…. “Because we see the truth so clearly….” (There’s a laugher.)

Esther and Mordeci …. Mordeci and Esther…. …. Blah, blah, blah, blah…. (When will Ron’s humility fetish rear its ugly head?) Blah, blah, blah, blah…. (There it is.) Haman gets hanged.

Ron marvels that God can hear all the prayers at once of “the church” all 150,000 and 90,000 of them that are baptized. (One would think that would be a given with God, right?)

Ron marvels mightily over cell phones…. Blah, blah, blah, blah….

Hard times be a coming, ya’ll. Hard times be a coming. (Word.)

Ron is dumbfounded by people’s impatience, people who want things to happen now. The things about the Two Witnesses won’t happen UNTIL after those things happen. (Good laugh, there.) Everything is going to be later… (Sound familiar?)
No such phrase as Great Tribulation in the bible. (?!) LOL, Ron plays down the start of the ‘Great Tribulation’. The Great Tribulation starts with a whimper? (Immediately after trying to change scripture Ron has microphone difficulties. (A sign?)

The wimpy start of ‘Ron’s Not So Great Tribulation’ is a test of faith. (Wow!)

Blah, blah, blah, blah…. Blah, blah, blah, blah…. Blah, blah, blah, blah….
Ron’s dumbfounded by the part the church will play… Blah, blah, blah, blah….

Laodicea… Blah, blah, blah, blah…. Ron’s dumbfounded again. (Any wonder?) Ted Garner Armstrong haunts Ron’s dreams. (LOL)
Ron’s been betrayed by people he once loved with all his heart. Some of very the same people he has pronounced a declarations of death on, initially slow deaths, and then speedy deaths, even naming them in his book. (What about forgiveness, Ron? What about forgiveness?)

Someone in Australia defected and wrote a letter spelling out why. (Good for them.)

Ron asks members to pray to ‘stir up the Thunders’ so more can be humbled and saved. (Whatever) The Thunders are ministry tools. (With that, I puke.)

Tick Tock. Your time runs short, Ron Weinland.

Dill Weed

Sunday, January 18, 2009

The Best Way To Enjoy Ron’s Sermons

A Prophet’s Log (Flushing Sound)
Countdown: 1223 Days
Number of Fulfilled Prophecies: 0
Esther Pt. 1 (Sermon Summary)

Will Ron prophesy? Will he bore me to death? Let’s find out! (Turns football game on.) Ron’s outdated book is still available. (Hurry out and get one!) Ron complains about bad weather. (He can stop the rain, but not snow?) Ron tries to remember where he is to the hearty chuckles of the deluded.

Ron puts restrictions on fasting to avoid an incident which could lead to bad publicity. What about false prophecies and fleecing the flock? (Oh, well.) Same ole… same ole…. Blah, blah, blah, blah…. More Laodicea talk. (Dumbass) Ron’s leaving his erroneous predictions on the website shows his humility. (Right.)

We’re still waiting for the 2nd Trumpet. (Ho-hum) His humility fetish is kicking in accompanied with a side of yelling (as usual). Ron confronts the issue of his mistaken predictions directly stating that he does not know what’s going to happen and that he has been wrong, but this doesn’t take away from his being a prophet! By that logic he can go on inventing timelines forever. (Grrrr)

Members can keep 2nd tithes for church festivals (Church fun, I suppose.) 2nd Trumpet may not blow in 2009. God hasn’t been in touch with Ron about the 2nd, 3rd, or 4th Trumpets. Ron says he won’t know UNTIL they happen! (Like us) What the Hell good is he as a prophet then? What accountability is there with Ron?

Ron rails on the 50th Truth. (Dare you doubt God and His prophet Ron!? You’d be full of pride. LOL) Blah, blah, blah, blah…. Sermon filler… Blah, blah, blah, blah….

Ron marvels about the wealth of some ancient nation.

I hope that Ron’s listeners will start to question Ron’s “not knowing” and the lack of evidence that he is one of the Witnesses – no power over weather, not striking the earth with plagues, the continued life of his mockers, etc.

Jebadiah begot Habbakuk and it was perfectly cromulent… Blah, blah, blah, blah….

The Arizona Cardinals won, yippee! (Blasphemy, pure blasphemy.) Something about Esther and Mordecai… Blah, blah, blah, blah…. (Boring…)

Ever heard of The Prophetess Waneeta Bynum? She’s getting a divorce, abusive husband I think. (So much for foresight, another failed prophet.) Blah, blah, blah, blah….

Pittsburgh just scored 13 – 0… Blah, blah, blah, blah…. (God, 41 minutes of sermon left.)

I wonder since Ron was wrong about all that other stuff could he be wrong about the 1st Trumpet, too? He stated directly that it blew December 14th. I wonder if anyone else is wondering.

Ron slaps podium and wakes me up. Blah, blah, blah, blah…. He’s thundering now. (again)

Twice more with the the 2nd Trumpet may not blow in 2009 and then he sneaks maybe two years! (Rich, rich indeed.)

The 3 ½ years of Great Tribulation that wasn’t (?), Ron laughs about being 8 months off. You're wrong, wrong, wrong, Ron.

Tick Tock. Your time is running short, Ron.
Dill Weed

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Whence Cometh The Beast?

A Prophet’s Log (Flushing Sound)

Countdown: 1230 Days

Number of Fulfilled Prophecies: 0

Fasting for Humility Pt. 2 (Sermon Summary)

A lot of fast talk… Blah, blah, blah, blah…. Keep your fasting and prayer secret. Blah, blah, blah, blah….

God does Ron ramble! Ron needs help putting his sermons together. Ron has some sort of fetish about humilty. (Sigh) Ron rails against the world. Mankind must be humbled. (Sermon filler)

Stock market, unemployment, banks not loaning money… Blah, blah, blah, blah…. As time goes on God will give more about what’s happening…. (Surely, if it comes through Ron it will not be clear.)

Ron waxes nostalgic and marvels at the age of the universe… Blah, blah, blah, blah…. Ron marvels at whats happening with the US and the dollar. Ron marvels more at the universe. (Eyeroll, anything to avoid prophesying, I guess.)

Tithe talk. (Get out your wallets, ladies and germs.) Ron thinks the Anti-Christ are unbelievers. (The bible refers to him as an individual.)

How long can it be until the 5th Trumpet? 2 years? The longer the better says Ron because it shortens the time of suffering during the Great Tribulation. It also leaves less time for the last two Trumpets and the Seven Bowls. (And gives him a softer deadline.) Apocolyptic filler… Nuclear winter…. Blah, blah, blah, blah….

Ron doesn’t know when Europe arises or when Trumpets blow. (That blows.)God tells the end from the beginning, Ron just rambles.

Ron rails against prideful believers balking at his mistaken predictions.He makes it about their pridefullness rather than his errors – which he says were made out of an attempt to save others- thus they should be overlooked. (Whatever.)

Tick Tock. Your time is short, Ron.

Dill Weed

Sunday, January 4, 2009

The (Dumb)Founded Prophet

A Prophet’s Log. (Flushing Sound)

Countdown: 1237 Days

Number of Fullfilled Prophecies: 0

Fasting for Humility Pt. 1 (Sermon Summary)

Blech! Another fast!

Sermon filler…. Blah, blah, blah….

We don’t know what to do until God tells us… (Thru Ron, of course.)

Ron rails (mightily) against pride - again… Blah, blah, blah….

Ron uses a ‘letter from a believer’ to bolster his credibility. (Disingenuously, he’s reinforcing himself as God’s Prophet and hammering away that one should not question!) Yawn.

Ron is dumbfounded by how blind people are… Blah, blah, blah….

Ron is dumbfounded by the things the church has gone thru… Blah, blah, blah….

Blah, blah, blah…. Blah, blah, blah…. Blah, blah, blah…. Blah, blah, blah….

What if the 2nd Trumpet delays a year? A year and a half? (Creating space by introducing the idea the 2nd Trumpet might be delayed - by believers prayer and fasting (no less) resulting in more people being saved.) If you doubt, you have a problem with pride. (Can prayers and fasting delay God's plan leading to Armageddon? Is this an attempt to distract from the repeated failure of Ron's 'prophecies' to materilize?)

Ron says God speaks to him in his mind, yet he is unable to deliver reliable information. I dare say that information from God would be reliable. What's going on in Ron's head?

This sermon was a wet firecracker – a real dud - a mighty waste of two hours. Well, not a total waste, I was watching football on mute. : P

Tick Tock. Your time is short, Ron.

Dill Weed