Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Welcome - A New Home With a More Specific URL.

I have created this more specific URL because it better identifies the target of my mocking. I packed most everything and brought it with me! Everything but the comments, but you'll make more.

The new URL is:

Apologies for any inconvience this may create. Please join me at Ronald Weinland The Prophet Who Failed... as I track his... train wreck of a ministry and update any new 'prophecies' or 'changes to old prophecies' he may (cough) receive.

Please visit and join as a follower! No tithing required!

Also recommended:

Dill Weed

A New Home - I Flew Away, But Not Far!

I've created a more specific URL for my blog. Hopefully, it will catcth the eye of people doing searches and they'll stop by here and join in the RW conversation. Apologies to anyone inconvienced by the change, I contacted everybody I could. You can expect the same high quality mocking and sermon summaries here. Welcome, one and all, even you Ron, if you dare!

Dill Weed

Sunday, April 26, 2009

An Interview with Dill Weed

(Brought to you by Windows 95. It's the next big thing! - Dill Weed)

Q – Dill Weed, you mock Ronald Weinland, yet you don’t have any association with COG.

A - I grew up a JW. If JWs do anything they study the bible, even if it is their New Word Translation. I learned many good things, - even things that later became apparent as error taught me valuable lessons. JWs focus intently on The End. In fact, most live for The End. (It's hard to overcome that.) The End is constantly hung over their heads. That and the never ending call to preach the good news made it an exhausting experience. It was burdensome and depressing, too (because The End kept not coming and there was no real joy there, either). It was not a refreshing or light load.

Q – Dill Weed, are you just lazy?

A – No, just disillusioned.

Q – Why did you leave?

A - I learned that my thoughts, attitudes and behaviors were being controlled by a small group of men who viewed themselves as God’s “faithful and discrete slave class” which is funny because they ruled with an iron fisted dogma and saw themselves as ‘spiritual Israel governing over the Great Crowd.’

Q – Do you hold to any faith now?

A – Nope. I have faith that God exists and I believe what the bible says. I’ll let God sort out it out.

Q – Why aren’t you a member of some religion?

A – There may be a true religion out there, but I haven’t found it and I’m not looking anymore. There are just too many contradicting beliefs and once you adopt one, you come under its control and under the control of the men doing the interpreting. I’ve had enough of that.

Q – You use album art from Iron Maiden, a heavy metal group some would say are influenced by Satan. Dill Weed, are you a heathen?

A – Nah that would take too much effort. As for the album art, I want something that will challenge and entertain - at least entertain me. It’s the juxtapositions man, it all about the juxtapositions! My dad threw out my KISS and AC/DC records when he came home from the Kingdom Hall one day, but I’m over that - really.

Q – Some think you are a meany for picking on Ron, what do you say to them?

A – I’m not a meany. It’s just that he presents such an easy target and I enjoy picking on him. Does that make me meany? Hmmm, I might be a meany, but I’ve made peace with it – so there!

Q – Why pick on Ron?

A – Well, why not? I find him rather fascinating. He’s makes such outlandish claims. I can hardly wait to see how he’s going to handle the failure of his claims that we’re in the final 3 ½ years. He’s really painted himself into a corner. He’s nowhere near as sophisticated with what he’s doing as the JWs are; of course he’s just one man with an assistant prophet.

Q – Why blog about him? Why not follow this silently from the bushes?

A – I’m not the silent witness type. I’m a trouble making, speaker outer with a sense of humor – and I just can’t keep my trap shut. Sorry, Ron that’s just the way it is.

Q – You use humor to mock Ron, why?

A – You mean besides because I'm funny? Well, I’m a happy mocker, not a bitter one. Maybe it’s helpful in overcoming the effects of mind control. It’s therapeutic. Definitely.

Q – How long will you mock?

A – I’m in it until the bitter end – for Ron or me.

Q – If Ron shows himself to be one of the Witnesses of Revelation will you take everything back?

A- Hell yeah.

Q – What about your back tithes?

A – I’m hoping for a pass on those. I know Benny Hinn says he paid his back tithes to get right with God, but I’m holding out for a pass, a debt restructuring, or a spiritual bailout.

Q – Why this fascination with The End times?

A – Because of being raised JW, definitely. Otherwise, I’d probably be mostly normal. I have this desire to witness The End in all its horrors. Sounds crazy doesn’t it? I’m not suicidal; I just want to see God pull the plug already. When I r-e-a-l-l-y think about it – I’d prefer a balcony seat.

Q – Who do you think has it right?

A – Heck if I know. No “golly” or “gee whiz” there, hat tip to Ron (I am listening, but I know you don’t have the truth, Ron). My preaching career is over and I’m not trying to convince anybody one way or another. I used to like watching that guy with the mustache – Hal Lindsey and Grant Jeffrey (too long sideburns) – though today it just seems like they play same old End Times tune. Perry Stone is kind of interesting for obscure prophecy, if you’re in the mood or just bored. I think stretches it quite a bit. I think he's the kind of guy who likes to measure the temple just for fun. John Hagee is always good for a strident sermon, but I’ll pass on any sermon by his son. I visit Rapture Ready now and then though my rapture readiness is questionable. I like Jack Kelly for his study on the Isaiah. He does a good job putting End Time chronology together. The ‘deeper’ stuff I just find boring. Does anyone really care what Zephaniah said? I sat through enough of that already – just hit the high points for me.

Q – Your rapture readiness is questionable? (take no offense non-rapture believers, though you're welcome to fight it out in the comments section - just make sure to be come a blog follower before you do. [scowls])

A – If it comes to it, you may see me in a courtyard somewhere with my head under a guillotine – at least the choice will be clear. I maybe one of those smoky smelling guys in heaven, but I’ll be there.

Q – Do you believe we are in the End Times?

A – Yes. Many things are coming together. I am watching eagerly for new developments.

Q – Any message for your readers?

A – Yes, I appreciate your readership and hope you find my humor entertaining, become a follower, leave a comment, and enjoy life! Don’t miss out on the extra second of life you get each time you read my blog.

Q – One more thing is there any truth to the rumor that you eat Coco Puffs with chocolate milk?

A – What?! I told you I didn’t want to answer any questions about what I have for breakfast! This interview is OVER!!! (Storms out of room and slams door.)

Comment at end of tape: “Touchy bastard isn’t he?” (Followed by laughter) Tape resumes, “This will make great copy. We’ll get front page in Faith section of the New York Times, for sure.”

The Faith section was dropped due to budget cuts. Story printed here with the permission of Dill Weed. (Mr. Weed was compensated with a $2 off coupon for chocolate milk and maintains that what he has for breakfast is no concern of yours.) – Robert Stapleton, New York Times

May 1st this blog will have a new URL:

Tick Tock.
Your time runs short, Ron Weinland.

Dill Weed

The Angry Prophet

A Prophet’s Log (Flushing Sound)
In Awe of God (but, not paying tithes) Pt 2 (Sermon Summary)
Countdown: 1125 Days
Remaining Sabbaths: 161
Number of Fulfilled Prophecies: 0

May 1st this blog will have a new URL:

In Awe of God (but, not paying tithes). Ron’s got a lifestyle to maintain people! Don’t make him call down judgment.

Ron comments on gaseous formations in space and dumbfounds himself. We can’t comprehend the capacity of God to plan and mold, etc. (We know that God can, however, supply prophets who prophecies come true and even prophets who exercise God given powers.)

It’s all planned!!!! (Inappropriate emphasis Ron’s, not mine.)

Ron is really worked up today. (Sigh) This is going to be a l-o-n-g sermon err… diatribe (Noun - A bitter, sharply abusive denunciation, attack, or criticism.) That sums it up nicely.

Springfield, MA this week. Denver next week, Blah, blah, blah, blah….

Ron refuses to cure a church member’s cancer.

Ron sighs and says he glad he’s not one of the sinners he left behind in other COG churches. (So, he’s glad he’s not a hypocrite like other people. There’s something in the bible about this - someone who sees themself as better than others.)

2nd Passover – there’s still some flat bread left. *yawn*

News Flash – Death is a reality of life! (Of course, most people can’t comprehend this without *yawn* Ron’s assistance.) Sheesh.

Ron bellyaches about members not paying tithes. (One wonders would God allow his Two Witnesses’ ministry to be stymied by lack of tithes?) Blah, blah, blah, blah….

I zoned out there for a minute, but Ron said… “Blah, blah, blah, blah….”

Ron mentions swine flu in passing then rails on about 40,000 people killed on the nation's highways, the 20,000 killed by drunk drivers and people on cell phones. He could have mentioned all the people killed by gun violence, too. There was an article about it in the New York Times. (All these plagues, not brought to you by Ron, the 1st of the Two Witnesses of Revelation. When will Ron smite the wicked as often as he *yawn* chooses?)

Ron calls out hypocrites, but misses the scriptures’ application to him. He calls out some committing adultery and others with the audacity to not tithe.

God looks unfavorably on false prophecy, too Ron.

He is not a prophet whose prophecies fail.

Aw, heck, one more, *yawn*

Tick Tock. Your time runs short, Ron Weinland.

Dill Weed

Saturday, April 18, 2009

The Feast of Crackers (Not Graham)

A Prophet’s Log (Flushing Sound)
In Awe of God Pt 1 (Sermon Summary)
Countdown: 1132 Days
Remaining Sabbaths: 162
Number of Fulfilled Prophecies: 0

May 1st this blog will have a new URL:

Nah, it’s not because Ron cursed the old one.

Ron chimes in from Erie, PA, where he connects with some bad memories. He’s glad to see a new group of people – wouldn’t want to end up in a crowd of disgruntled former believers -even with Two Witness powers.

Ron has been invited to speak at some sort of gathering where he will be "the only religious speaker.” (Huh, imagine that.) It’s a forum on idealism. (Hmmm) Only costs $4000 to attend – not to speak. Sounds like a bologna conference to me. I bet Ron chops them off a big slice, too. No notes are allowed. (Uh-oh) All speaking is to be contemporaneous. (Chuckles) Sounds like a speculative, dreamer’s conference. The only good thing: You get gonged if you go over twenty minutes. Ron won’t even be warmed up by then!

Feast of Knuckleheads arrangements. Huddle in your basement for four days, your neighbor’s if you don’t have one. (Eat not beans for goodness sake. Spare thy brothers and sisters.)

Will Ron break off some new prophecy? Revise some old prophecy? (I can hardly stand the tension!)

Oh, here we go… Gee and gee-wiz (Jesus wizard) is using God’s name in vain. (Eye Roll) Ron rails against movie ratings. He bangs his fist on podium and gets uncomfortably loud. (Sigh) Face palm.

Blah, blah, blah, blah…. Ron has indigestion… Blah, blah, blah, blah…. He shouldn’t get so angry. There’s no telling what he’ll do with those Two Witness powers!

Here we go…. Some who are new and some old are not responding properly to God. (Ron doesn’t elaborate.) Something about the Sabbath… Blah, blah, blah, blah….

People should be afraid to speak against the church and God’s prophet. So many with websites out there. They are bitter and have an axe to grind because they were put out! Ron gets dumbfounded. (Surprise)

Dill Weed was not pulled out of COG (of any type) much less COG-PKG. I am not bitter. I just happen to enjoy mocking Ron. As far as I’m concerned, there’s nothing wrong with that. I think I’m good at it, too.

The 2nd Trumpet is going to blow in God’s time…. (Maybe he’ll share when with Ron- like the 1st Trumpet.) *Yawn*

Wander 40 years in the wilderness… Blah, blah, blah, blah…. America has to be invaded, has to be conquered. The dollar has to become like toilet paper. (Lo, and Ron wiped with it and found it to his liking.)

Ron complains that people aren’t giving God his tithes…. (Maybe that's what he was referring to) Hundreds of thousands are being primed by God to join COG-PKG (better remember their tithes)… the scattered church… Blah, blah, blah, blah….

Covet not thy neighbor’s ass…. Blah, blah, blah, blah….

Tick Tock. Your time runs short, Ron Weinland.

Dill Weed

Harrell’s Aaron to Ron’s Moses

A Prophet’s Log (Flushing Sound)
A Time of Deliverance […of more of your money, brethren.] (Sermon Summary)
Countdown: 1132 Days
Remaining Sabbaths: 162
Number of Fulfilled Prophecies: 0

A Time of Deliverance (…of more than your tithes. Dig deep brothers.) There’s a basket at the back of the hall. (LOL) If you’re listening at home take out an envelope… (This is too good. Apparently, VISA and Master Card are not accepted. You can’t simply have it taken out of your bank account, either - though I’m sure Ron salivates at the idea.)

A Southern fired crock…. Delivered by Johnny Harrell. Johnny reflects on how excited he was at his first Passover. (Really, huh?) Johnny has a plain southern speaking style and pauses between syl---la---bles.

The story of Israel we all know….. everything was by plan… even the flood… Blah, blah, blah, blah…. This guy is BORING. He lacks any verbal punctuation, even the ill timed, jolting emphasis of the 1st Witness. Flat line. Coffee injection needed.

Here we go…. “When God takes us to the next step of his plan, how will you react?” Setting up the brethren for some new light? Ron sends out his stooges to run interference.

Children of Israel… Blah, blah, blah, blah…. COG-PKG… Blah, blah, blah, blah….

The Land of Ham by the Red Sea…. Blah, blah, blah, blah….

“There are two leading the Church of God today… Are you humble when God reveals present truth? What was your reaction when the truth was revealed about Pentecost? What about the timing of events?” (Prod the sheep back into line.)

“The present truth is where you and I are at today. When God takes us to the left or the right, we had better follow where God leads… (through Ron and Laura, but for how long?)

Tick Tock. Your time runs short, Ron Weinland.

Dill Weed

Saturday, April 11, 2009

Distorted Reasoning: Waylon Smithers meet Wayne Matthews

A Prophet’s Log (Flushing Sound)
No Place for Pride/No Lie is of the Truth (Sermon Summary)
Countdown: 1139 Days
Remaining Sabbaths: 163
Number of Fulfilled Prophecies: 0

One word summary: SHEESH

Wayne Matthews is Waylon Smithers to Ron's Weinland's Montgomery Burns.

Wayne Matthews, “I tried to get out, but God pulled me back in.” (That wasn’t God, Wayne.)

Wayne Matthews has eaten the 50th slice of bologna – not just a portion - the whole slice. Think: Pass the Flavor Aid. And, he would share it with others. (Ugh)

Wayne Matthews’s prideful and rebellious thinking almost freed him from the mind control of the Church of Ron. However, he allowed doubt and fear to pull him back in. When you allow doubt and fear to control you, they become your god(s) - the levers by which you can be controlled.

Breaking free of mind control is not easy: The seeds of fear (mistaken beliefs) get planted deep – rational, intelligent people can come under their control – particularly religious beliefs that purport to explain the world and to answer unanswerable questions.

To be free and protect reason, one must recognize that some questions are just that - unanswerable – sure there will be people with ‘explanations’, but when you keep questioning their 'explanations' they wither away (and the explainer becomes exasperated and probably gets pissed off, especially if that explainer is Ron, who may smite you with his Two Witness Powers or just condemn your prideful, questioning attitude.) and you come up against the reality that that person doesn't really know they just believe and you should understand there is a difference.

That’s an important thing to realize because when you do you can then choose whether or not to allow yourself to believe their ‘explanations’ and therefore come under the control of those self-same 'explanations' and the under the influence, if not control, of the explainer, especially where independent thought is discouraged. (Very important that, mate.)

A Delusional U-turn

God in his mercy revealed to us the true timeline of the return of Jesus Christ. (Uh, Ron told you the original timeline and he was wrong.) Because we, individually, had to accept error in our thinking. (The error you made was believing Ron in the first place – that’s curable.) We had preconceived ideas, of which we still have in many other topics we’re not aware of yet. But that was one thing that we had to go through. (There is nothing wrong with preconceived ideas as long as you are not bound by them and the same for new ideas – all of which should be rigorously and continuously tested and discarded when found in error.)

Now I did come to see in time that I also, like everybody else, had to challenge my own thinking. How could this be? What was I really thinking? (Uh, there’s nothing wrong with your thinking (just your conclusions) – you obviously questioned the initial mistaken claims by a man who claims to be a prophet. Nothing wrong so far…)

As God revealed the truth to me through the 50th truth, (Uh, that wasn’t God talking partner, that was Ron explaining away his mistaken proph err… predictions. NOT GOD, got it?) I came to understand that the problem was me, (Damn, Ron has got you to believing THAT you were the problem – not his failed predictions! To quote Charlie Brown, “UGH!!”) that I had preconceived ideas, and that I did not like being wrong. It was a painful experience to go through. (It’s going to get more painful: THE TRUTH WILL PISS YOU OFF, BUT IT WILL SET YOU FREE.)

It went through a process and I saw it reasonably quickly what was wrong. But it took time to continue to mature -- and that’s still a lifelong process. (You are right, testing one’s beliefs is a lifelong process, a very important one. Keep testing. You have nothing but my best wishes.)

Prophets don't give wrong information, Wayne.

Tick Tock. Your time runs short, Ron Weinland.

Dill Weed

Monday, April 6, 2009

The Prophet with the Jaw Bone of an Ass

A Prophet’s Log (Flushing Sound)
God’s Passover Pt 3 (Sermon Summary)
Countdown: 1146 Days
Remaining Sabbaths: 164
Number of Fulfilled Prophecies: 0

In Texas, Ron prepared his jaw bone for a mighty smiting. He prepared to bludgeon the brethren apoplectic.

Dill Weed 3:16,

Samson smote 5000 with the jaw bone of an ass, Ron smote tens of hundreds with another ass' jaw bone. Samson smote his thousands. Ron clubbed tens of hundreds into apopoleptic boredom with his weekly brow beating and his jaw did not tire.

Unleaven your homes, throw out those hamburger buns! (You know they’re stale. Go feed some ducks.)

The stock market will rise and then fall again. (Well whadda ya know?)
Anyway, blah, blah, blah, blah…. There’s a timeline chart on the website. (Betcha it doesn’t include Ron’s failed predictions.)

Blah, blah, blah, blah…. Blah, blah, blah, blah…. Blah, blah, blah, blah….

Long hair, short hair, curly hair, straight hair… Blah, blah, blah, blah….

Eyes to see, ears to hear… (A brain to evaluate and think and feet to get up and walk out on…) Ron heralds the coming trumpets…. He doesn’t mention the silent thunders. Is the earthquake in Italy a thundering thunder? Is it unusual, unusually strong or devastating? No. Is it part of a catastrophic string…. We’ll see.

Ron’s glad to see the church growing (and to hear the cash registering ringing. He has extensive travel plans and airlines don't fly ya for free ya know, not even if your a Witness of Revelation. Seems like there shoud be a plan for that.)

The G20 is soon to produce the ten nations of EU. Then we’ll have a 3rd World War out of Europe. Ron’s going to lead the armies of Christ when he returns. (Be sure to duck so you’re not hit by any flying pigs***.)

Ron loves the Holy days…. Blah, blah, blah, blah….

(Note the following paragraph is not intended to mock either the Passover or Christ's example of humilty and being a willing servant to others, it is intended to mock Ronald Weinland and only Ronald Weinland.)

Only three more Passovers to keep. (Whoopee!) Hmmm, seems there’s going to be some foot washing at the Passover party. Wash them stinky feet! Verily, verily, I say unto you, you feet stink! (And never mind you my foot fetish.)

(Second note: I wrote the above because I was surprised that any religon would actually practice washing each other's feet as a part of their Passover observance. Later, it occurred to me that in mind controlling cults, specific and unusual practices are often required to demonstrate loyalty. Performing these acts solidifies the member's belief indoctrinating them further in the group's system of beliefs. This confirms their 'uniqueness' and closes down further the likelyhood of a member challenging the group's belief system. It becomes another piece of evidence that they have the 'Truth'.)

Wouldn’t it be great if the Two Witnesses showed up while Ron was still preaching?

Ron hurts for those who have betrayed them. He longs for them to awaken and repent and come back. Ron gets dumbfounded by all the garbage about HWA and himself on the internet. (Call a wah-ambulance.)

Tick Tock. Your time runs short, Ron Weinland.

Dill Weed

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Ron Weinland “I am a False Prophet.”

From the COG-PKG website
Ron Weinland “I am a False Prophet.”
April 1, 2009

Last year, I said that if my prophecies did not come true that I would be an insane liar if I continued claiming to be a prophet. Indeed, I said I would repent and declare myself a false prophet. The prophecies I made have not come true, even after a delay of 8 plus months.

I have been repeatedly confronted by mockers - as many of God’s prophets have been. But what they said would come to pass did. God backed them up validating them.

In the face of this evidence and after much prayer and soul searching, I have come to the conclusion I was wrong and misguided, perhaps even deluded. I truly believed I was God’s prophet and my wife, too. She initially doubted, but I convinced her. For the last year, reality has been banging on the door.

The mounting evidence has proven otherwise to me. I am not one of the Two Witnesses of Revelation and neither is my wife, Laura. We are not prophets. We repent our blasphemy and ask God’s forgiveness. We will continue to seek God and his will. Everyone makes mistakes, but it takes a lot to admit them, especially large ones. The sin of pride has been my downfall, I repent of it.

Our beliefs, even though wrong were sincere; therefore we will keep the all tithes which we collected in good faith to continue a reformed ministry. God doesn’t give refunds and neither do we. If Jim Baker, Jimmy Swaggart, Tim Haggard, a meth using homosexual can hit the refresh button, why can’t we?

I’m wearing sackcloth underwear sprinkled with ashes and will continue to do so for a week, then I’m back to silk boxers.

God bless!

Happy April Fool’s Day everybody!

Tick Tock. Your time runs short, Ron Weinland.

Dill Weed