Saturday, December 26, 2009

Ronald Weinland: Dang It! Laura's a Prophet, too!

A Prophet’s Log (Flush)
Restoring All Things (Summary)
Countdown: 880 Days
Remaining Sabbaths: 126
Fulfilled Prophecies: 0

Ron's Death Toll: 0

False prophet, apostle, spokesman Witness of Revelation and Elijah to come speaks from a place without a sound system in Orlando, FL resulting in a delay for the most powerful prophet ever.

Hopefully, the delay will cut out some of Ron’s sermon filler. (It didn't. He went over.) What mysteries will Ron reveal? Ron is going to read his post (ugh) and states there will be a new post becausebecause you all know… and offers no further explanation. (Whatever)

A church member’s son is diagnosed with leukemia and Ron does not heal him.

The Elijah to come is to restore all things. What are all things? Ron rails against critics of HWA pounding the podium. (Sheesh) Boring. The things to be restored are those things necessary for God to fulfill prophecy. (What are those things?) God is using the church to ‘get things ready’. (Like what?) *yawn* (Ron hasn’t really specified anything he is going to restore – just a bunch of yacking.) Oh, there’s supposed to be a bunch more baptisms – this is part of Elijah’s job. *yawn* Not tens of thousands, but hundreds of thousands. (Yeah, right.)

There are going to be more elders – in a ministerial capacity. They will do the baptizing. Blah, blah, blah, blah…. Ron’s going to begin a new wave of ordinations. He will lay hands on the elders and they will lay hands on others. Hundreds of thousands will be baptized. Blah, blah, blah, blah…. (We will be listening for news of this.) The order will be Senior Elder, Elder, Associate (or ministerial) Elder. Being an Associate Elder is not like being an Associate at Wal-Mart or is it? Ron's pawning off all the baptisms he is supposed to do the elders. Delegate your way to success!

Ron reassures his audience that the COG ministers he cursed to die several years ago will die (Yes, they will!) and when they do it just goes to show that Ron is God’s End Time prophet. *Yawn* The total dead from Ron’s self-selected Thunder so far: 0

Ron promises to remove any minister that would preach something different than he and quickly, too. Blah, blah, blah, blah…. So, really, they would just be parrots wouldn't they?

Women will be ordained as 'ministerial' elders, not to preach or teach, but to baptize the hundreds of thousands that will soon be storming PKG's doors. (Let us in!)

Where are we left? We have more predictions from an already failed prophet that will go unfulfilled. Of course, the influx probably won't occur until after the 5th Trumpet. We're still (for those of us playing along) stuck on the 1st Trumpet waiting for the 2nd. What will Ron be saying mid 2011 when Europe hasn't 'done what it's supposed to do' and 'China hasn't risen up'? The whole 'Elijah to come' thing is so much filler - nothing to it really. Ron saw title he could take and create 'excitement' with because it was associated with The Two Witnesses. What new thing has Ron done, really?

The interesting thing is he hasn't mentioned Moses in association to the other Witness. But, even if he did, so what? It is just redefining something in scripture. Preachers do that kind of crap all the time and it is soooo significant they tell you! Bah! It's pretty stock to create your own identity and backstory from biblical passages. It entraps minds.

I think we'll be back to filler sermons soon, after the 'excitement' of this new doct- *yawn* -rine washes through his sermons.

How many PKGers will be hanging on Ron's words through December 2011? How much longer will the coming fast in February delay the 2nd Trumpet? We'll see.

One thing Ron can't control is the 83 y/o Pope's health. The one Jesus told him would be Pope when He Returned. If Ratzinger passes away before May 2012, then events would contradict Jesus' own words delivered to the church by Ron. I think this is the only thing that could trip him up sooner than the continuing non-occurrence of his prophecies. He can only explain their delay until around late 2011. By then, he better have an escape plan or a good retirement stash.

Someone else with an Elijah delusion too and he sounds like Ron.

On a lighter note, see some of Dill Weed, Junior’s little friends and an old home movie of some of his relatives.

Tick Tock.

Your time runs short, Ron Weinland. Judgment day is coming.
Dill Weed

5 comments:

Kirrily XPKG said...

A Ronnie Mocking - Part Two....

After Laura had completed cleaning the Bathroom of the mess Ron had created practising his Bathtime Tsunami powers, she began to make lunch.

"Oh Ronnie, would you like some lovely Ham in your sandwiches today".

"That would be lovely witney (his nickname for the silent witness) - and some prawns on the side".

Ronnie decided to use his apostle 'rights' to change the law to enable eating 'unclean' foods - but only for the witnesses themselves, and the elders.

"Ya know Witney, God really isn't politically correct. We'll be the same. You will now be a Prophet, not a Prophetess. You will remain silent though, as you are a woman".

"Yes dear, I agree with everything you say. Thank you for my new diamond ring by the way. Interest free?".

"Yes witney, no money down for 3 years - for sure the USA will be gone by then!".

"No doubt dear. You are a witness, spokesman, apostle AND an/the/a Elijah to come!!".

"That's right - and I will not let these mockers forget it. Take Dill Weed and Mike, all they ever do is tease me, and tell lies about me - well, their time is short as I have cursed them with a slow speedy death, where they are killing themselves with their hatred and lies. A murder suicide carried out bythemselves, of themselves, to themselves which will prove my awesome powers given to me by God through Jesus which made me who I am today which no one take take away because I know who I am because Jesus told me that God told him that he then passed onto me *breath* that I AM who i say I AM, and I know that I AM who I say I AM".

"Calm down dear - I too know who you are who you say you are because you told me - and I believe it because it came into my mind and it is only God who can put things into your mind. Otherwise brains just don't work - no thoughts come from anywhere else, only God. Or, the Devil. Brains don't have their own thoughts - God told me, and I am a Prophet and a Witness too!!".

"That's right witney - we just have to start practising our awesome powers. I can't get over what a sick, sick, sick, sick world this is. It will be a witness, witnessed by us and God's true church, what an evil, sick, dumfounding world this is. I am dumfounded, but being dumfounded is where the knowledge and wisdom come from, into my own hands *looks at his hands with a smile - knowing their power* and I will soon wield that power by almight God through Jesus who gives it to me! Oh yes, and you".

"What are you going to do about the fu***ing IRS? I think we need to meditate and ask God to give us the power to curse them with a painful death".

"Indeed witney, indeed. I do believe the tribulation will have really picked up speed by the time that comes around. Besides, Audra can take the heat - that is her job. She is the child of the most formidable prophets of all time. God will give her the power - and we can smite her enemies with our fire".

(Wouldn't you like to be a fly on the wall at the Weinlands house listening to the 2 Witless Wacko's talk each other up? Would make a great reality TV Show.

Better yet, a PKG Big Brother!!)

Whisper said...

Still languishing in the pre-first trumpet... The effect of the trumpet never turned up as Ron wrote in his book. So we are still in the "pre" trumpet phase.
Still a-waiting...

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