Sunday, January 18, 2009

The Best Way To Enjoy Ron’s Sermons

A Prophet’s Log (Flushing Sound)
Countdown: 1223 Days
Number of Fulfilled Prophecies: 0
Esther Pt. 1 (Sermon Summary)

Will Ron prophesy? Will he bore me to death? Let’s find out! (Turns football game on.) Ron’s outdated book is still available. (Hurry out and get one!) Ron complains about bad weather. (He can stop the rain, but not snow?) Ron tries to remember where he is to the hearty chuckles of the deluded.

Ron puts restrictions on fasting to avoid an incident which could lead to bad publicity. What about false prophecies and fleecing the flock? (Oh, well.) Same ole… same ole…. Blah, blah, blah, blah…. More Laodicea talk. (Dumbass) Ron’s leaving his erroneous predictions on the website shows his humility. (Right.)

We’re still waiting for the 2nd Trumpet. (Ho-hum) His humility fetish is kicking in accompanied with a side of yelling (as usual). Ron confronts the issue of his mistaken predictions directly stating that he does not know what’s going to happen and that he has been wrong, but this doesn’t take away from his being a prophet! By that logic he can go on inventing timelines forever. (Grrrr)

Members can keep 2nd tithes for church festivals (Church fun, I suppose.) 2nd Trumpet may not blow in 2009. God hasn’t been in touch with Ron about the 2nd, 3rd, or 4th Trumpets. Ron says he won’t know UNTIL they happen! (Like us) What the Hell good is he as a prophet then? What accountability is there with Ron?

Ron rails on the 50th Truth. (Dare you doubt God and His prophet Ron!? You’d be full of pride. LOL) Blah, blah, blah, blah…. Sermon filler… Blah, blah, blah, blah….

Ron marvels about the wealth of some ancient nation.

I hope that Ron’s listeners will start to question Ron’s “not knowing” and the lack of evidence that he is one of the Witnesses – no power over weather, not striking the earth with plagues, the continued life of his mockers, etc.

Jebadiah begot Habbakuk and it was perfectly cromulent… Blah, blah, blah, blah….

The Arizona Cardinals won, yippee! (Blasphemy, pure blasphemy.) Something about Esther and Mordecai… Blah, blah, blah, blah…. (Boring…)

Ever heard of The Prophetess Waneeta Bynum? She’s getting a divorce, abusive husband I think. (So much for foresight, another failed prophet.) Blah, blah, blah, blah….

Pittsburgh just scored 13 – 0… Blah, blah, blah, blah…. (God, 41 minutes of sermon left.)

I wonder since Ron was wrong about all that other stuff could he be wrong about the 1st Trumpet, too? He stated directly that it blew December 14th. I wonder if anyone else is wondering.

Ron slaps podium and wakes me up. Blah, blah, blah, blah…. He’s thundering now. (again)

Twice more with the the 2nd Trumpet may not blow in 2009 and then he sneaks maybe two years! (Rich, rich indeed.)

The 3 ½ years of Great Tribulation that wasn’t (?), Ron laughs about being 8 months off. You're wrong, wrong, wrong, Ron.

Tick Tock. Your time is running short, Ron.
Dill Weed

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