Sunday, February 22, 2009

If Ron Were Noah….

A Prophet’s Log (Flushing Sound)
Our Commission Pt 3 (Sermon Summary)
Countdown: 1188 Days
Remaining Sabbaths: 170
Number of Fulfilled Prophecies: 0

Will Ron bore me, achingly so? (He did.) Will Ron’s humilty fetish Thunder powerfully at jarring and inappropriate times? (A little bit.) Will Ron ever learn what cadence is? (Don’t bet on it.)

19 year time cycles… boring. Astounding fact… (A loose use of an adjective, I say.)…. Blah, blah, blah, blah…. This crap is from 1953…. Blah, blah, blah, blah…. (Sigh) Ron has diffulty reading…. (A stroke perhaps? Not a stroke of genius by any means.) Ron strikes the earth with an incredibily boring sermon no one cares about – the sole Witness power he has used so far. I can hardly wait to delete this plague.

New members bring zeal and excitement. (Not to mention more tithes.) Ron gets excited by this. The 50th Truth was a trial by God – not a diversion from failed prophecies. (Uh-huh). Ron marvels….. Blah, blah, blah, blah…. Wow, this is gonna be a blessedly short sermon. Yeah!

Ron’s difficulties with reading continue. (Must be the dry material.) I’m comtemplating jumping out my second story window. He’s almost halfway done…. Blah, blah, blah, blah….

Ron says he doesn’t call the Great Tribulation great anymore, because it’s not great yet. (In with a wimper out with a bang?)

Ron bashes Garner Ted. Blah, blah, blah, blah…. Garner Ted has an extremely boring show where pontificates for an hour or so and tries to send you tapes. (Just don’t watch it near a window.) Ron marvels again…. Blah, blah, blah, blah….

Ron expects millions to rush into his church…. Blah, blah, blah, blah…. (Better make sure the back door’s not open.) Ron wonders what if… nuclear bombs go off December 14th in different port cities or other catastrophic events happen…. BUT the delay in these things is God making time to draw more people in. Ron waxes on the futility of efforts to deal with the economic crisis. December 14th must be something significant in his church.

Ron’s group fasted for a delay in the sounding of the 2nd Trumpet to allow man to be humbled while God delays the execution of His Judgment.(Or to divert attention while more of Ron's 'prophecies' fail to materialize.) Ron is reminded of his mockers… all of whom remain alive even after he predicted, more like promised, their deaths – multiple times. (Oh, well – at least his track record is intact.)

6 minutes left! Woo-Hoo! Blah, blah, blah, blah….

I’m going for a bike ride.

Tick Tock. Your time runs short, Ron Weinland.

Dill Weed

No comments: