Wednesday, February 25, 2009

It's Clobberin' Time

That which slaps you repeatedly in the face should not be denied. The ever patient Weinland Witness appears on the brink of acknowledging what we mockers already know - that Ron Weinland is no more a Witness of Revelation than I am an overwieght Vegas show girl.

Here's the funny thing though - Citizen X, author of the Weinland Witness, hasn't been listening to the prophet he's been more or less defending. (That's just too good! Hee-Hee) Citizen X, whose patience I admire more than his stubborn neutrality, is a couple of sermons behind and has thus failed to keep up with Ron's ephemeral and shifting finish line. Seems he was also misled by Ron's 'inspired' book which stated directly that the burning up of the grass and trees would be physical and that that destruction would fall upon the US and Canada.(Yawn) Citizen X has failed to to keep up with Ron's ever increasing light. (See Ron's Great Tribulation Delays Again, below.)

Back in December, Ron changed the meaning of burning trees and grass to… what amounts to a spiritual forrest fire (the humbling of people by God according to Witness Ron). Ron says ‘God gave this to him.’ Thus, that potential proof has been spiritualized away.

We'll see if Citizen X repents and moves his understanding into agreement with Ron's ever increasing light - remember, Ron is God's Prophet and we can only understand the things of God by listening humbly to Ron. That means shifting your beliefs to what Ron is saying this week even if it contradicts what he said last week or what he wrote 'under inspiration by God'. (Word.)

I think it will take some humilty (from Ron's perspective) on Citixen X's part to get in line with the prophet he has been defending. Some of X's commenters are already accepting Ron's latest prophetic shifts.

Rlee64- prophets don’t err when it comes to prophecy. Yet, you overlook that.

Think-differently- you think just the same, as in not for yourself - failing to use your God given powers of reason and the very test for determing the legitimacy of a prophet He himself has given. Tsk, tsk.

Tick Tock, Ron. Your time runneth short.

Dill Weed

Sunday, February 22, 2009

If Ron Were Noah….

A Prophet’s Log (Flushing Sound)
Our Commission Pt 3 (Sermon Summary)
Countdown: 1188 Days
Remaining Sabbaths: 170
Number of Fulfilled Prophecies: 0

Will Ron bore me, achingly so? (He did.) Will Ron’s humilty fetish Thunder powerfully at jarring and inappropriate times? (A little bit.) Will Ron ever learn what cadence is? (Don’t bet on it.)

19 year time cycles… boring. Astounding fact… (A loose use of an adjective, I say.)…. Blah, blah, blah, blah…. This crap is from 1953…. Blah, blah, blah, blah…. (Sigh) Ron has diffulty reading…. (A stroke perhaps? Not a stroke of genius by any means.) Ron strikes the earth with an incredibily boring sermon no one cares about – the sole Witness power he has used so far. I can hardly wait to delete this plague.

New members bring zeal and excitement. (Not to mention more tithes.) Ron gets excited by this. The 50th Truth was a trial by God – not a diversion from failed prophecies. (Uh-huh). Ron marvels….. Blah, blah, blah, blah…. Wow, this is gonna be a blessedly short sermon. Yeah!

Ron’s difficulties with reading continue. (Must be the dry material.) I’m comtemplating jumping out my second story window. He’s almost halfway done…. Blah, blah, blah, blah….

Ron says he doesn’t call the Great Tribulation great anymore, because it’s not great yet. (In with a wimper out with a bang?)

Ron bashes Garner Ted. Blah, blah, blah, blah…. Garner Ted has an extremely boring show where pontificates for an hour or so and tries to send you tapes. (Just don’t watch it near a window.) Ron marvels again…. Blah, blah, blah, blah….

Ron expects millions to rush into his church…. Blah, blah, blah, blah…. (Better make sure the back door’s not open.) Ron wonders what if… nuclear bombs go off December 14th in different port cities or other catastrophic events happen…. BUT the delay in these things is God making time to draw more people in. Ron waxes on the futility of efforts to deal with the economic crisis. December 14th must be something significant in his church.

Ron’s group fasted for a delay in the sounding of the 2nd Trumpet to allow man to be humbled while God delays the execution of His Judgment.(Or to divert attention while more of Ron's 'prophecies' fail to materialize.) Ron is reminded of his mockers… all of whom remain alive even after he predicted, more like promised, their deaths – multiple times. (Oh, well – at least his track record is intact.)

6 minutes left! Woo-Hoo! Blah, blah, blah, blah….

I’m going for a bike ride.

Tick Tock. Your time runs short, Ron Weinland.

Dill Weed

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Ron’s Great Tribulation Delays Again.

A Prophet’s Log (Flushing Sound)
Our Commission Pt 2 (Sermon Summary)
Countdown: 1195 Days
Remaining Sabbaths: 171
Number of Fulfilled Prophecies: 0
2/13/09 and Still No 2nd Trumpet

Ron comments on snow in the Detroit area. (He’s still not using his Witness powers to change the weather. Next time, Bowling Green Kentucky – close to me. (Damn, that could bring out the devil in me.)

Ron rambles on about the need for unleavened bread – Passover. (Try tortillas) Blah, blah, blah, blah…. Ron doesn’t consider providing food miraculously for his flock. They’ll have to use their second tithes. Ron anticipates the world continuing to exist until tabernacles. Blah, blah, blah, blah….

Ron reports God has “given him some new things.” (Oh, goody) Ron plays second fiddle to Mr. Armstrong. Blah, blah, blah, blah….

Now, it’s “maybe even a year from now that things will begin to start in earnest with power.” Ron’s Great Tribulation delays again. Ron spoke of HWA having a sense of urgency. Preachers have been crying The End is near to control people for a long damn time.

Ron rails against previous COG ministers. Blah, blah, blah, blah…. Agabus (Some prophet from the bible – a real one.)…. Blah, blah, blah, blah….

Talking about infallibility, Ron says he is to “give certain things about certain dates.” (He has given more than a few things about certain dates – all of them wrong.) God has given Ron things about chronology… like Christ returning on Pentecost 2012. It’s ABSOLUTE he says. (Oh boy, another prophecy!) And finishes with, “I am a prophet.” The prophetic claim is made again. (Grrr)

Ron rails against pride… Blah, blah, blah, blah…. Humility…. Blah, blah, blah, blah…. Fetish. Awesome to understand…. Ron is dumbfounded… Ron marvels… (Yawn)

Ron’s little flock is looked down on by other groups. (Boo-Hoo) They are ridiculed and scorned (Waaa!) Ron gets dumbfounded again with respect to tithes. (Big surprise, eh?) Ron gets double dumbfounded. LOL

The theory of ever increasing light…. What Ron says today… trumps what he said yesterday… because God is ‘revealing more to him’… Same way with JWs and others, too. "It’s an awesome (self serving) process." (It sure is and a flexible and forgiving one, too. Most malleable to one’s wishes indeed. JWs are really sneaky about this, too. They pave the way for ‘new light’ years ahead of time – all the while maintaining urgency - much more sophisticated than Ron’s one man, one woman, Two Witness show.) The theory of ever increasing light can justify any religion.

Mightily so…. Blah, blah, blah, blah…. Awesome to understand…. Blah, blah, blah, blah…. Very powerfully so… Blah, blah, blah, blah….

Nothing splinters better than COG churches.

Crow is the diet of the humbled. There “maybe no Thunders for a year. So what?” That’s a good thing.… Trumpets get louder and louder. Blah, blah, blah, blah….

A lot of this sermon focused on leaders ‘confessing error’ as a sign of the true church. Some crap about 19 year time cycles. (Sounds like some boring crap to me.)

Ron hopes the sermon was inspiring. (It wasn’t.)

Tick Tock. Your time runs short, Ron Weinland.

Dill Weed

Sunday, February 8, 2009

The Unwilling Prophet

A Prophet’s Log (Flushing Sound)
Our Commission Pt 1 (Sermon Summary)
Countdown: 1202 Days
Remaining Sabbaths: 172
Number of Fulfilled Prophecies: 0
2/6/09 and Still No 2nd Trumpet (No Trombone, either.)

Our Commission, couldn’t be preaching could it? Nah. What do you think? Keep those tithes a coming though. God has to lead people to Ron, he doesn’t have to go looking for them.

Ron makes traveling plans… boring… Blah, blah, blah, blah…. Holy days… Blah, blah, blah, blah…. Passover, Feast of Tabernacles, and the Feast of Knuckleheads. (Sounds joyous)

Australia’s having a drought, fires and floods – all not caused by Ron. Humility’s first appearance. Ron harps on the non-thundering Thunders sounding on economic problems and drought in China. More humbling….

Ron addresses questions posed by new members… (Get the drift?) People notice Ron’s errors- all explained, of course, by the (yawn) 50th Truth. Ron explains he’s being fully open… (Hmmph) …. And emphasizes that they are the only true church (Ever heard that before?)

I can’t wait until he has to alter the timeline, again. God leads the church through Ron (Eye roll) – because all that He has given Ron. (All the false prophecies and failed predictions? What god could that be?) Ron acknowledges that he made predictions as a prophet and they didn’t happen. (They should be rushing for the friggin’ doors.) New suckers…. Members coming in (as people do during ‘difficult times.’)

Ron’s errors in no way dimnish his role as God’s prophet. (And, I’m Tom Brady.) Oh here we go… Ron’s failed prophecies are God’s way of testing believers. (LOL, face palm) Ron reassures members that all the prophecies will take place as ‘prophesied’ but just when Ron doesn’t know. Ron dances around the (maypole) timeline. Ron prophecies there will be no economic recovery. Blah, blah, blah, blah….

Ron addresses an unbeliever who left and posed the question, How would Ron answer those radio interviewers regarding his failed prophecies. Ron claims no one has called him back. (Hmmm) Ron claims that people can’t handle the truth and says he would take the interviews. Ron claims he’ll be on radio and TV when things get ‘stirred up.’ Blah, blah, blah, blah…. Oprah, Ron, Oprah. How long till Ron is dumbfounded by something?

Here we go… scriptures about false prophets. (Ron is dumbfounded by the evil out there – the evil of people who doubt him.) How will he play this? Ron claims people ‘read into scripture’ and then diverges into COG history…. Blah, blah, blah, blah…. So far failing to confront the issue directly. How will Ron seek to change scripture? Ron explains that one scripture applies to prophets who performed signs and wonders and said, “Let us go after other gods.” Ron is in the clear because he hasn’t shown any signs or wonders. (Ha!)

What about prophesying and being wrong? Blah, blah, blah, blah…. Lots of COG underbrush in this argument…. Blah, blah, blah, blah…. Ron blasts former pastors for their beliefs… Blah, blah, blah, blah…. More God ‘trying us like back in April….’ God is sifting the congregation…. Ron waxes on Armstrong…. Progressive understanding… that allows for changes… (I've heard this before – new light, tacking.) Ron rambles endlessly…. Blah, blah, blah, blah….

He hasn’t confronted directly the issue of prophesying falsely. Here we go… if a thing a prophet's prophesies don't come to pass…. Ron maintains that the things he said will come to pass, but just not when he thought (said) they would… (So he can still claim to not have been wrong.) Just because the timing is off… doesn’t diminish Ron’s role as God’s prophet. (What a relief.) Ron parses words… “I stated I believe…. (Does not amount to prophesy.) Weasel.

Ron’s delusion is strong.

I can’t wait until he has to change the timeline again. Can he do that and still maintain his claim to being one of the Two Witnesses? Will there be a falling away? Will God be 'testing believers'? Will there be a 51st Truth?

Ron proclaims himself an unwilling prophet. (Must be because of all that humility.) I guess God drafted him. (Whatever.)

Tick Tock. Your time runs short, Ron Weinland.
Dill Weed

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Ron Rejoices at the Slaying of the False Prophets of Baal.

A Prophet’s Log (Flushing Sound)
A Great Fast (Sermon Summary)
Countdown: 1209 Days
Remaining Sabbaths: 173
Number of Fulfilled Prophecies: 0
1/31/09 and Still No 2nd Trumpet (Well, whadda you know?)
Woe to you, Ronald Weinland for you claim a station you have not been given. Woe to you, Ronald Weinland for you prophesy falsely in the name of God.

Fast talk. People just don’t understand! (Cause most people don’t listen to RW?) The world (still) has no idea that the Great Tribulation has begun. Ron thanks God that people aren’t suffering yet. (Face palm) 173 Sabbaths until Christ returns. (Is Christ on Ron’s time table?) More fast talk. It’s important. Blah, blah, blah, blah…. I wonder how much more has God given Ron?

How does one fast spiritually anyway? (By not listening to Ron’s sermons.) That’s awesome to understand. How long until Ron’s humility fetish kicks in? You know it’s coming accompanied by jarring ill timed increases in volume. Shades of it. (Shudders)

Blah, blah, blah, blah…. Oh, here we go Ron’s talking about pride the flip side of his humility fetish. Heads Ron wins, tails you lose. (Ugh) Ron’s mouth is dry. (Brightens, maybe a shorter sermon? Please, please, please!) Blah, blah, blah, blah…. Maybe Ron should try a pebble in his mouth. Ron exchanged some emails with a member who had a question. (Yes!) That person got wise and bailed! (Yippee!)

Ron is dumbfounded by people who would find fault with Mr. Armstrong’s financial dealings. (Hmmm. Grrr)

Ron reflects on his former meager financial circumstances compared to now. (Tithes will do that for you.) Ron defends his financial position stating he could have even more. (Dip deeper into the tithes? Grrr)

Ron is dumbfounded by King Ahab’s worshipping Baal. ( A stiff necked and stubborn people , remember?)

Blah, blah, blah, blah…. Elijah stops the dew and rain. (When will Ron? Hmmm, have his Two Witness powers kicked in yet?) Blah, blah, blah, blah….
Blah, blah, blah, blah….

Awesome to understand… Blah, blah, blah, blah…. Obadiah, Jebidiah… Blah, blah, blah, blah….Ron is dumbfounded by the growth of the church and claims 20,000 members. Says more are coming in from ‘the world’, but gives no numbers. He claims millions will come into the church because things will get “stirred up.”

Here we go: Ron reflects on his changed predictions and timeline refers specifically to the radio interviews and people saying “you’re no prophet”, but claims it is not his fault and that he is still God’s prophet. (2 face palms, LOL)

Ron recalls Elijah’s dealings with the false prophets of Baal and his vindication as God’s prophet. (I wonder if Ron gets the irony.) Is Elijah’s God the same as Ron’s? Will God verify Ron Weinland as His prophet? If He doesn’t will Ron admit he is a false prophet? What will this do to him psychologically? Ron promises he will be dumbfounded again and so will his followers. (Oh boy!) Ron claims his failed predictions were put into his mind by God. (Ron, why did they fail then?) Ron rejoices at the slaying of the false prophets of Baal.

Pray for louder thunders…. Blah, blah, blah, blah….

The revealing of the Thunders will validate Ron as God’s prophet whom he is working through. (That’s God’s plan of course, He told Ron in his mind.) More humility…. Blah, blah, blah, blah…. The timing of the Thunders is to be revealed through His prophet, Ron, in God’s Final Witness. (It has been thoroughly discredited here Don’t Drink the Flavor Aid.)

Ron claims he’s never seen earthquakes like he has seen today (1st Thunder). The U.S. Geological Service sees things differently though and they track earthquakes around the world here USGS and here Are earthquakes increasing?

It’s not Global Warming, its Ron’s 2nd Thunder (Weather)

The 4th Thunder is Global Economic upheaval. The Dow is barely at 8000 and Ron asks members to pray for things to get worse. Ron celebrates the bad times.

The 5th Thunder is Death, first within the church, referring to former members he cursed to die. He talks about some ministers who were murdered, but is not specific. The ones Ron cursed he cursed to die slowly from within, but not from murder. (No dice, Ron.)

Death in the world from plagues will increase mightily.

The 6th Thunder is the growing awareness of Ron (and Laura) as God’s Witnesses through the ever increasing (never decreasing) Thunders.

The 7th Thunder is the growing revelation of God to man.

Ron boohoos about writing about the Thunders. It was hard. (Mmmh) Here’s a real kicker: Ron says about those teaching false doctrine – it is better that they should die. (Hmm) Many would be happy if they just admitted it and stopped – forever. He says that people object to his predictions because they are ‘harsh and unjust and undeserved’. In reality, people don't object to his predictions they just point out that they are wrong.

Tick Tock. Your time runs short, Ron Weinland.

Dill Weed