Sunday, April 26, 2009

An Interview with Dill Weed

(Brought to you by Windows 95. It's the next big thing! - Dill Weed)

Q – Dill Weed, you mock Ronald Weinland, yet you don’t have any association with COG.

A - I grew up a JW. If JWs do anything they study the bible, even if it is their New Word Translation. I learned many good things, - even things that later became apparent as error taught me valuable lessons. JWs focus intently on The End. In fact, most live for The End. (It's hard to overcome that.) The End is constantly hung over their heads. That and the never ending call to preach the good news made it an exhausting experience. It was burdensome and depressing, too (because The End kept not coming and there was no real joy there, either). It was not a refreshing or light load.

Q – Dill Weed, are you just lazy?

A – No, just disillusioned.

Q – Why did you leave?

A - I learned that my thoughts, attitudes and behaviors were being controlled by a small group of men who viewed themselves as God’s “faithful and discrete slave class” which is funny because they ruled with an iron fisted dogma and saw themselves as ‘spiritual Israel governing over the Great Crowd.’

Q – Do you hold to any faith now?

A – Nope. I have faith that God exists and I believe what the bible says. I’ll let God sort out it out.

Q – Why aren’t you a member of some religion?

A – There may be a true religion out there, but I haven’t found it and I’m not looking anymore. There are just too many contradicting beliefs and once you adopt one, you come under its control and under the control of the men doing the interpreting. I’ve had enough of that.

Q – You use album art from Iron Maiden, a heavy metal group some would say are influenced by Satan. Dill Weed, are you a heathen?

A – Nah that would take too much effort. As for the album art, I want something that will challenge and entertain - at least entertain me. It’s the juxtapositions man, it all about the juxtapositions! My dad threw out my KISS and AC/DC records when he came home from the Kingdom Hall one day, but I’m over that - really.

Q – Some think you are a meany for picking on Ron, what do you say to them?

A – I’m not a meany. It’s just that he presents such an easy target and I enjoy picking on him. Does that make me meany? Hmmm, I might be a meany, but I’ve made peace with it – so there!

Q – Why pick on Ron?

A – Well, why not? I find him rather fascinating. He’s makes such outlandish claims. I can hardly wait to see how he’s going to handle the failure of his claims that we’re in the final 3 ½ years. He’s really painted himself into a corner. He’s nowhere near as sophisticated with what he’s doing as the JWs are; of course he’s just one man with an assistant prophet.

Q – Why blog about him? Why not follow this silently from the bushes?

A – I’m not the silent witness type. I’m a trouble making, speaker outer with a sense of humor – and I just can’t keep my trap shut. Sorry, Ron that’s just the way it is.

Q – You use humor to mock Ron, why?

A – You mean besides because I'm funny? Well, I’m a happy mocker, not a bitter one. Maybe it’s helpful in overcoming the effects of mind control. It’s therapeutic. Definitely.

Q – How long will you mock?

A – I’m in it until the bitter end – for Ron or me.

Q – If Ron shows himself to be one of the Witnesses of Revelation will you take everything back?

A- Hell yeah.

Q – What about your back tithes?

A – I’m hoping for a pass on those. I know Benny Hinn says he paid his back tithes to get right with God, but I’m holding out for a pass, a debt restructuring, or a spiritual bailout.

Q – Why this fascination with The End times?

A – Because of being raised JW, definitely. Otherwise, I’d probably be mostly normal. I have this desire to witness The End in all its horrors. Sounds crazy doesn’t it? I’m not suicidal; I just want to see God pull the plug already. When I r-e-a-l-l-y think about it – I’d prefer a balcony seat.

Q – Who do you think has it right?

A – Heck if I know. No “golly” or “gee whiz” there, hat tip to Ron (I am listening, but I know you don’t have the truth, Ron). My preaching career is over and I’m not trying to convince anybody one way or another. I used to like watching that guy with the mustache – Hal Lindsey and Grant Jeffrey (too long sideburns) – though today it just seems like they play same old End Times tune. Perry Stone is kind of interesting for obscure prophecy, if you’re in the mood or just bored. I think stretches it quite a bit. I think he's the kind of guy who likes to measure the temple just for fun. John Hagee is always good for a strident sermon, but I’ll pass on any sermon by his son. I visit Rapture Ready now and then though my rapture readiness is questionable. I like Jack Kelly for his study on the Isaiah. He does a good job putting End Time chronology together. The ‘deeper’ stuff I just find boring. Does anyone really care what Zephaniah said? I sat through enough of that already – just hit the high points for me.

Q – Your rapture readiness is questionable? (take no offense non-rapture believers, though you're welcome to fight it out in the comments section - just make sure to be come a blog follower before you do. [scowls])

A – If it comes to it, you may see me in a courtyard somewhere with my head under a guillotine – at least the choice will be clear. I maybe one of those smoky smelling guys in heaven, but I’ll be there.

Q – Do you believe we are in the End Times?

A – Yes. Many things are coming together. I am watching eagerly for new developments.

Q – Any message for your readers?

A – Yes, I appreciate your readership and hope you find my humor entertaining, become a follower, leave a comment, and enjoy life! Don’t miss out on the extra second of life you get each time you read my blog.

Q – One more thing is there any truth to the rumor that you eat Coco Puffs with chocolate milk?

A – What?! I told you I didn’t want to answer any questions about what I have for breakfast! This interview is OVER!!! (Storms out of room and slams door.)

Comment at end of tape: “Touchy bastard isn’t he?” (Followed by laughter) Tape resumes, “This will make great copy. We’ll get front page in Faith section of the New York Times, for sure.”

The Faith section was dropped due to budget cuts. Story printed here with the permission of Dill Weed. (Mr. Weed was compensated with a $2 off coupon for chocolate milk and maintains that what he has for breakfast is no concern of yours.) – Robert Stapleton, New York Times

May 1st this blog will have a new URL:

Tick Tock.
Your time runs short, Ron Weinland.

Dill Weed

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