Monday, April 6, 2009

The Prophet with the Jaw Bone of an Ass

A Prophet’s Log (Flushing Sound)
God’s Passover Pt 3 (Sermon Summary)
Countdown: 1146 Days
Remaining Sabbaths: 164
Number of Fulfilled Prophecies: 0

In Texas, Ron prepared his jaw bone for a mighty smiting. He prepared to bludgeon the brethren apoplectic.

Dill Weed 3:16,

Samson smote 5000 with the jaw bone of an ass, Ron smote tens of hundreds with another ass' jaw bone. Samson smote his thousands. Ron clubbed tens of hundreds into apopoleptic boredom with his weekly brow beating and his jaw did not tire.

Unleaven your homes, throw out those hamburger buns! (You know they’re stale. Go feed some ducks.)

The stock market will rise and then fall again. (Well whadda ya know?)
Anyway, blah, blah, blah, blah…. There’s a timeline chart on the website. (Betcha it doesn’t include Ron’s failed predictions.)

Blah, blah, blah, blah…. Blah, blah, blah, blah…. Blah, blah, blah, blah….

Long hair, short hair, curly hair, straight hair… Blah, blah, blah, blah….

Eyes to see, ears to hear… (A brain to evaluate and think and feet to get up and walk out on…) Ron heralds the coming trumpets…. He doesn’t mention the silent thunders. Is the earthquake in Italy a thundering thunder? Is it unusual, unusually strong or devastating? No. Is it part of a catastrophic string…. We’ll see.

Ron’s glad to see the church growing (and to hear the cash registering ringing. He has extensive travel plans and airlines don't fly ya for free ya know, not even if your a Witness of Revelation. Seems like there shoud be a plan for that.)

The G20 is soon to produce the ten nations of EU. Then we’ll have a 3rd World War out of Europe. Ron’s going to lead the armies of Christ when he returns. (Be sure to duck so you’re not hit by any flying pigs***.)

Ron loves the Holy days…. Blah, blah, blah, blah….

(Note the following paragraph is not intended to mock either the Passover or Christ's example of humilty and being a willing servant to others, it is intended to mock Ronald Weinland and only Ronald Weinland.)

Only three more Passovers to keep. (Whoopee!) Hmmm, seems there’s going to be some foot washing at the Passover party. Wash them stinky feet! Verily, verily, I say unto you, you feet stink! (And never mind you my foot fetish.)

(Second note: I wrote the above because I was surprised that any religon would actually practice washing each other's feet as a part of their Passover observance. Later, it occurred to me that in mind controlling cults, specific and unusual practices are often required to demonstrate loyalty. Performing these acts solidifies the member's belief indoctrinating them further in the group's system of beliefs. This confirms their 'uniqueness' and closes down further the likelyhood of a member challenging the group's belief system. It becomes another piece of evidence that they have the 'Truth'.)

Wouldn’t it be great if the Two Witnesses showed up while Ron was still preaching?

Ron hurts for those who have betrayed them. He longs for them to awaken and repent and come back. Ron gets dumbfounded by all the garbage about HWA and himself on the internet. (Call a wah-ambulance.)

Tick Tock. Your time runs short, Ron Weinland.

Dill Weed

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