Sunday, March 29, 2009
Spiritual Meat and Potatoes with Gravy
A Prophet’s Log (Flushing Sound)
God’s Passover Pt 2 (Sermon Summary)
Countdown: 1153 Days
Remaining Sabbaths: 165
Number of Fulfilled Prophecies: 0
Richmond, Virginia this week. Will Ron use his Two Witness powers?
Wayne and Doug Matthews are going to Europe with Ron for Theocratic Reasons. Ron will fly them there, but not with his Two Witness powers. They’ll meet with Ron in an upper room somewhere.
Oh goody, The Prophesied End Time can *yawn* be ordered off the website - Hurry, before its expiration date arrives! (Time is ticking down quickly on this one. It will soon be found only in used book section of thrift stores or propping up coffee tables with uneven legs.) Church member has cancer, Ron refuses to heal her.
Yummy, The Days of Unleavened Bread are coming. This will be followed by The Weekend of the Weinland Fruit Basket.
Will Ron comment on the Weinland Witness’ declaration that he is a false prophet? Me thinks, not. He doesn’t want to raise THAT issue in his followers minds especially in the thundering silence of non-thundering thunders. There is no better con man than the con man that believes what he says.
Ron instructs his flock on the way to roast a lamb. Boring…. Blah, blah, blah, blah…. I don’t think unleavened bread sops up gravy very well. My eyelids are getting heavy.
Uh-oh, some are getting fed up with being referred back to the FAQ (LOL). Of course, not wanting to go to the FAQ shows a poor attitude (not to mention a prideful spirit) – one that God can’t work with and Ron can't stand. (Who are you to question Ron?) Incredible to understand….
They had to eat the lamb with their loins girded (fully-clothed), with their staffs (staves?) in their hands and their nikes on their feet. They had to stay up all night, too. Sounds like a recipe for indigestion to me. Good thing we have Krystal today. Ron can’t help but think of the churches (boring) past…. Blah, blah, blah, blah…. Sleepy, so sleepy.
Ron endorses Fire Proof, Curt Cameron's latest movie. Ron recommends listening to his sermons multiple times. That'll be the day.
Ron comments on the murmurring from last year. Will the ground open up AND SWALLOW DOUBTERS WITH PRIDEFUL ATTITUDES? Will Ron smite the wicked mightily? Wait til he hear's the murmurring when he changes his timeline again. I suspect it will be preceeded by a large Exodus and the slapping of many feet running out of COG-PKG with their hands on their wallets - fearful of funding Ron's (welcome) retirement from the ministry. (Oh, I'm going to Hell for that one.)
This blog will pass on the Passover.
Tick Tock. Your time runs short, Ron Weinland.