Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Prophet Ron: And the Word… was not Jesus

A Prophet’s Log (Flushing Sound)
The God of All Eternity Pt 1 (Sermon Summary)
Countdown: 1181 Days
Remaining Sabbaths: 169
Number of Fulfilled Prophecies: 0

Lubbock, Texas this week (Verily I say to you, a place worth flying over.) Ron will probably need another cruise after visiting such a desolate place – see Don’t Drink the Flavor Aid. Ron bores his audience with his itinerary. (Provided Ron’s Great Tribulation still delays.) Ron mentions having two services in one day then dismisses the idea. (Shew)

The 7th Thunder… (The growing revelation of God to man.) Ron marvels at how many scriptures he’s used to cover this topic. (Twisting all of them until he has forearms like Popeye.) All previous evangelists have been cut off – so we’re stuck with... Prophet and Spokesman Witness, Ron. Ron attacks Rod Meredith (LCG) and an article entitled, "Who was the God of the New Testament?" in the magazine, Tomorrow’s World. Ron attacks Rod Meredith, but claims there’s no joy in it for him. (Must be all that humility.) Blah, blah, blah, blah….

You can’t understand the ‘truth’ until God gives it to you – through Ron, of course. *Yawn* Ron sighs under the burden of ‘truth’ that he carries. He’s not going to correct all of Rod’s errors. Ron reveals that…. Jesus did not co-exist with God for all eternity. *Yawn* Rod is blind… good thing God has given Ron the “truth.” Ron gets dumbfounded. (You knew it was coming!) Blah, blah, blah, blah….

To make a long, boring sermon short (if only)… the word was with God, but was not Jesus. (Whatever.) Ron rails and rails and I can’t find it in myself to care…. Blah, blah, blah, blah…. There’s nothing like splitting theocratic hairs… COG or otherwise. Tempest in a tea pot, Ron spouts off. The take away message… Ron is the Fountain of Truth and you can't understand the Truth or handle it without Prophet and Witness, Ron. (Big whoop.) Ron marvels…. Blah, blah, blah, blah….

Ron avoids prophesying like it was a real plague, not the kind he casts upon sinful, unrepentant, prideful mankind, especially his mockers or people who just don’t believe him, namely his mightily boring sermons. (Sigh.)

Awesomely boring to understand... So powerfully boring... Megarifically boring... Ron smote the earth with a plague of boredom spread by the internet. I can't wait to delete this crappy sermon.

Tick Tock. Your time runs short, Ron Weinland.

Dill Weed

No comments: