Sunday, May 3, 2009

Ronald Weinland: The Dough Must Flow. Thou Shalt Tithe.

A Prophet’s Log (Flushing Sound)
In Awe of God Pt 3 (Sermon Summary)
Countdown: 1118 Days
Remaining Sabbaths: 160
Number of Fulfilled Prophecies: 0

From Denver, CO…. the false prophet speaks…. 2nd Passover….. Blah, blah, blah, blah….

God’s spirit communicates with us… err, Ron and Ron delivers it to us (Praise God).

When you believe what Ron tells you, that’s God communicating to your mind. (Guffaws and slaps knee.) Testing 1, 2, 3…. Apparently, members can’t hear Ron raising his voice. (Hmmm) God communicates with us and it’s always a matter of humility. (Ron’s humility fetish kicks in… sigh… this could be a really long sermon.)

God’s going to call a lot of people through church members. (Uh, weren’t we just supposed to refer them to the website?) Will Dill Weed be called? Phone rings. (Shock) It was a wrong number. (Heh-heh-heh) Ron talks about gaseous states in the universe…. Blah, blah, blah, blah….

Ron’s glad that since April God has allowed the church to gain ‘experience.’ Blah, blah, blah, blah…. Blah, blah, blah, blah…. Ron rehashes the past… Blah, blah, blah, blah….

There is government in the church and Ron is it. He is the sheriff. You just don’t understand. Trumpets…. Blah, blah, blah, blah…. It blows Ron’s mind that people leave the church…. (Failed prophecies? Tithe fatigue? Wising up?) Doubt Ron and you doubt God. You cut yourself off from God when you stop tithing.

Here we go! Some have not tithed in over a year. Ron’s keeping track - on cards, no less. (Snicker, snicker.) Ron’s heart goes out to non-tithers, some lose jobs, etc. Ron understands - he truly does, BUT YOU DON’T DROP GOD! Ron is going to drop non-tithers! (they will be cut off.) Elders will be asking some to leave. (Too funny)

Switzerland (the tribe of Gad) is not responding to Ron’s ministry. Blah, blah, blah, blah…. Too many want the gold! Especially, non-tithers!

Ron says he has lived a rich life and laughingly comments that some have said, "Yeah, cause your living off the tithes!" If the shoe fits.

Ron complains about smokers polluting the air he breathes. Second picture is Iron Maiden's Holy Smoke - appeared about the time of Jim and Tammy Baker, Jerry Falwells ascent into his tower, and Jimmy Swaggart's fall. Seems appropriate.

Meek means teachable, teaching only comes through the church, Ron speaks for the church as Sheriff and 1st Witness, so... (Sheesh) God tells Ron, Ron tells you. Any questions? (that's rhetorical by the way. No questions will be tolerated.)

Ron: "When you meet someone else there is a bond like with no one else."


Dill Weed: "Uh, you simply believe the same crap, unquestioningly, and reinforce it amongst yourselves, mindlessly."

Been there, done that. Done with that. Period.

Tick Tock. Your time runs short, Ron Weinland.

Dill Weed


Dill Weed said...

Dill Weed,

I bet your tithe card says Zero dollars and "This guys a freeloader! Kick him out!"

Dill Weed

jack635 said...

Lucky me. I never submitted a tithe card.