Sunday, May 20, 2012
Ronald Weinland: The End is Nigh?
God’s Infinite Mercy Pt 2 (Summary)
Countdown: 7 Days
Remaining Sabbaths: 1
Fulfilled Prophecies: 0*
Failed Prophecies: Priceless
Ron’s Death Toll: 0
False prophet and Spokesman Witness Ronald Weinland spoke from, the UK this Sabbath. In his Last Live sermon he announced his inspired book will no longer be available by mid-week! Oh, the gnashing of teeth.
Weinland read an email from a fence-sitter who found his books online. (I do not believe this is an actual person, but a made up email to bolster Ron’s credibility.) The writer referred to himself as being ‘convicted’ to tithe after he decided to tithe "to the only church out there with the truth." Come on! Who refers to their beliefs as convictions or of being convicted? This may be an Armstongism. It seems suspicious. This person found that when they did not understand a ‘Truth’ God miraculously made them understand it later. Phht! What a bunch of hooey.
Ron admitted that nothing is happening. Just for the sake of being human he entertained the notion of 'What if' it doesn’t happen – all the while remaining … convicted it will.
I remain convicted it won’t. There will be no nuclear war before May 26th – nothing for God to stop and no return of Jesus Christ. I believe in Junior’s prophecy that Christ won’t return anytime soon, but am not sure why I need to tithe in tuna, cat food, tummy rubs and head scratches. Junior has assured me that the Great Cat God in the sky will help me understand. OK, but I'm takingback the credit card. No more international travel for massages.
When Christ doesn’t come, will Ron and Laura Weinland still be the Two Witnesses? Or will Weinland retire? (hopefully to a federal prison)
What could explain God’s deceiving the Weinland’s into believing they were the Two Witnesses? Was He tricking Satan again?
Junior has assured me again that Christ is not returning May 26th, but that IF he does, I’m in some real trouble.
Ten years from the date of Ron's last post, April 29th, 1992.
Stay home PKGers!!! More than paper towels will be thrown on the bathroom floor.
The Andrew G. slide rule correction for cats who can't subtract very well...7 days and 1 Sabbaths remain.
Your time runs short, Ron Weinland. Judgment day is coming.