Sunday, May 20, 2012

Ronald Weinland: The End is Nigh?

A Prophet’s Log (Flush)
God’s Infinite Mercy Pt 2 (Summary)
Countdown: 7 Days
Remaining Sabbaths: 1
Fulfilled Prophecies: 0*
Failed Prophecies: Priceless
Ron’s Death Toll: 0

False prophet and Spokesman Witness Ronald Weinland spoke from, the UK this Sabbath. In his Last Live sermon he announced his inspired book will no longer be available by mid-week! Oh, the gnashing of teeth.

Weinland read an email from a fence-sitter who found his books online. (I do not believe this is an actual person, but a made up email to bolster Ron’s credibility.) The writer referred to himself as being ‘convicted’ to tithe after he decided to tithe "to the only church out there with the truth." Come on! Who refers to their beliefs as convictions or of being convicted? This may be an Armstongism. It seems suspicious. This person found that when they did not understand a ‘Truth’ God miraculously made them understand it later. Phht! What a bunch of hooey.

Ron admitted that nothing is happening. Just for the sake of being human he entertained the notion of 'What if' it doesn’t happen – all the while remaining … convicted it will.

I remain convicted it won’t. There will be no nuclear war before May 26th – nothing for God to stop and no return of Jesus Christ. I believe in Junior’s prophecy that Christ won’t return anytime soon, but am not sure why I need to tithe in tuna, cat food, tummy rubs and head scratches. Junior has assured me that the Great Cat God in the sky will help me understand. OK, but I'm takingback the credit card. No more international travel for massages.

When Christ doesn’t come, will Ron and Laura Weinland still be the Two Witnesses? Or will Weinland retire? (hopefully to a federal prison)

What could explain God’s deceiving the Weinland’s into believing they were the Two Witnesses? Was He tricking Satan again?

Junior has assured me again that Christ is not returning May 26th, but that IF he does, I’m in some real trouble.

Ten years from the date of Ron's last post, April 29th, 1992.

Stay home PKGers!!! More than paper towels will be thrown on the bathroom floor.

TICK TOCK

The Andrew G. slide rule correction for cats who can't subtract very well...7 days and 1 Sabbaths remain.

Your time runs short, Ron Weinland. Judgment day is coming.

Dill Weed

6 comments:

Douglas Becker said...

Mikey is convicted that Ronald Weinland will be convicted.

I'm convicted that Mikey will write something Memorial Dayish, though I can't imagine what he might want to say.

I know The Painful Truth will have something new to show that day and it will be amazing.

I guess I'll just hang out until something happens.

Richard said...

"Convicted" is a rather common term in mainstream Christianity - especially the Baptists. People "come under conviction" of the Word, and are led to see their need for Jesus.

Hopefully everyone visiting this site sees that need as well.

jack635 said...

I'm convinced Ronald Weinland will be convicted in absentia. If that is not an option for the U.S. court, then I'm sure they will issue a warrant for his arrest for failing to appear.

If he does return then I am wrong and he is not a con artist, but a religiously deluded mental patient suffering from HeWAS. (Herbert W Armstrong Syndrome)

jack635 said...

....but I'm pretty sure he is a con artist raking in the cash. I'd put money on that bet. But I don't gamble, so I betcha it's true he's a con artist.

Anonymous said...

Where you at Doctorex?

Anonymous said...

I cannot understand how people can keep following a man like this. How can God have a profit that preaches something so wrong as this and keep him in the fold. It is truly clear he was wrong. God would not have anyone preaching for him that could interpret anything like this.
People wake up when God tells someone something is going to happen IT WILL HAPPEN. The only god that has anything to do with this man is saten the god of this world.