Friday, May 25, 2012

Ronald Weinland: The 'Lost' Interview Sept. 2009

'Lost' in the spiritual sense and updated in the literal - with hindsight on Ron's God given foresight. May PKGers be given eyes to see, ears to hear and... well, that should be enough.

One last mock before my bucket gets kicked and Junior's tail pulled for the last time.

The Great Tribulation grinds on. (Only 140 Sabbaths left!) Before God's prophet and End Time Witness gets too busy, he has graciously accepted a request for an interview with my T-Rex sock puppet, Ralph.


Q – Have you received your Two Witness powers yet?

A. (Opens mouth and… belches) Shew! Onion rings - I’m burping onion rings. Burger King. They’re giving me hellish heart burn. I thought I was going to breathe fire for a minute, but I guess not, yet. All in God’s due time and in accordance to His plan. I had Taco Bell last night. I wasn’t breathing fire, but you know…. The 1st Witness had to sleep on the couch. It’s a good thing I’m humble. (Turns out this was actually spiritual.)

Q – Have you thought up any plagues you’d like to strike the earth with?

A. Oh, yeah. I’ve been thinking about them for a while. (More spiritual - though Ron's sermons smote many.. well a few with a special kind of misery.)

Q – Are you going to target certain individuals (i.e. mockers) for especially painful plagues?

A. I have a few people in mind for a dose of Ron’s Revenge. (A dish best served cold, but will it be served? 13 hours left!)

Q - Who will be the first person(s) you smite with your Two Witness powers?

A. I’m going to let that be a surprise. (Well who doesn't like surprises? [foot nudges Junior forward.])

Q - Do you expect to give sermons to the entire world to make everyone aware you are God’s prophet?

A. I imagine I’m going to make the rounds on all the talk shows. Towards the end, I’ll be on every channel 24/7. (They key word being 'imagine' which turned into disbelief of the message given explictly by God!)

Q - You acknowledged that you’re not the greatest public speaker? Do you think God will supernaturally improve your speaking ability to better deliver His message?

A. He’ll beam them into my head. I’ve made a special aluminum foil hat with antennae to improve reception – four bars everywhere. (Is Ron, even now, praying that this cup be removed from him? Has any other prophet, old or new testament, ever had it so easy? Paper towels on bathroom floors, people not stepping out of your way, traffic jams??!!!)

Q - Will you announce beforehand how and where you will smite the earth so as to distinguish your smiting and plagues from regular old droughts and disease outbreaks?

A. No one will confuse Two Witnesses plagues and drought with any other plagues and droughts. I am God’s Prophet after all. (The ignored witnesses brought down no plagues, stopped no rain. In fact, they performed NO MIRACLES WHATSOEVER.)

Q - To be blunt, are you excited about being able to kick sinner butt with your Two Witness powers?

A. Cracks knuckles. There is going to be some Hell to pay. And, I am the bill collector. It will hurt me to do it, but it will hurt them more. (Yes, there's going to be some hell to pay. Its just that the payee is not who he expected. Welcome to your nightmare, Weinland. Those court documents will be very enlightening. Thy might get splattered all over the internet. A witness to your witness.)

Q - While I’m asking questions, I have to ask, some rumors have been going around about drinking, Ron. Ron, have you ever been kicked by the Schlitz Malt Liquor Bull?

A. I don’t drink malt liquor and I don’t take bull from anybody. I AM GOD’S PROPHET!! (But, I have not eyes to see or ears to hear. I can only rely on the litmus test God gave that you failed. Ronald Weinland, The Prophet Who Failed.)

Okay, okay! Thank you, Prophet and Witness, Ron.


And now back to our regular programming.



Tick Tock.



Your time runs out, Ron Weinland.

The Hour of Your Judgment
is at Hand.


Dill Weed

To Kirrily, specifically, and everyone else, none diminished, by extension:

Thanks for your readership, for your insight, comments and for sharing your story.   : D


I've been looking forward to this. It is time to leave a record so condeming that no one listens to this con man again. He will never live this down, ever.


Dill and Junior

22 comments:

Eric said...

Its 5.45 am in Jerusalem as of this posting. It’s 18 degrees Celsius and there is a light 6 km per hour wind blowing from the North west. What a gall the Israel met office has - they have forecast the weather a week ahead of time and there is nothing about the second coming. Didn’t they pay attention when the two witnesses did all their miracles and died in the streets of Jerusalem (like they initially said they would) – oh dear the forcasters must have been paying attention to reality. For those of you that would like to watch the non second coming live you can look at Jerusalem from this web cam.
http://www.inbalhotel.com/Jerusalem-live-camera-old-city-view

Eric said...

Here’s a second one that shows the western wall. It has what I think is the dome of the rock in the background which is (I think) the centre point of the return. Hoever if you want to zoom out to see it you have to register.

Watch the action live here –

http://www.aish.com/w/

Douglas Becker said...

Yes, but the important question is...

IS JERUSALEM ON ISRAELI DAYLIGHT TIME?

They have a weird schedule, one which does not synch up with the United States in any way or the rest of the world for that matter.

Do they drive on the left side of the road there?

Just wondering.

Actually, I wasn't wondering. Mikey was wondering. He's been a little dazed since he was grounded and put on the "no fly" list.

Douglas Becker said...

And if you are interested, you can see what I said about Ronald Weinland and his stupid book back in 2006 on the recently reopened Ambassador Watch:

http://ambassadorwatch.blogspot.com/2006/11/ronnie-warns-world.html?showComment=1164497040000#c6203967373058476137

Something about mental illness.

I've changed my mind.

It's fraud and he's a con man.

My comment is almost prophetic, though, even if I do sort of mention it myself.

Kirrily said...

Thank YOU Dill.

Ron has been proven false over, and over and over again. Yet he retains most of his followers who do not want to admit their error due to their pride (they won't see this until if/when they leave after much painful HONEST soul searching. They will not like what they see. They will not like what they have become.

After a time, like me, they will find themselves again.

Some with turn athiestic. Others will run to another false prophet (Ie. Bob Theil - he may has well call himself a prophet) *snicker*. Others will turn to 'traditional christianity'.

Some will be angry, others devastated, others embarrassed. Some will never recover financially, and have spent all their children's inheritance on marketing a false book for a delusional physco

David said...

In Ron in Jerusalem yet? If he opens his eyes will he be there standing on the ancient stones or will he be in his bed still wishing he was stoned, or is he scared when the 28th appears and he stoned by the people. Maybe he'll listen the rolling stones or possible and rock himself to sleep.
"If I open my eyes, I'll be there..." (big grunt like on the can to try and push his faith into reality) "ahhhhhh...." quietly, he opens his eyes. "Ahhhh the bedroom wall is there...". He panics and....

Look to be fair I could be writing this mocking piece and Christ returns and sudde.......

David said...

..... no, it's still the 26th so I'm safe.

jack635 said...

Dill Weed Junior,

Prepare ye thine fur to be rubbed the wrong way by silent Laura.

jack635 said...

Yes she CAN sneak up on you. She is silent.

Douglas Becker said...

Mikey is just fine.

Says hello to Dillweed Jr.

Eric said...

I got up especially to watch the clock tick over. Its fter 4.00 am here in New Zealand and all is well. I would love to be a fly on the wall at Rons place.

Eric said...

For those that want to to you can leave a special message for Ron at -

contact@ronaldweinland.com

Thats his churches contact email address on his website.

Douglas Becker said...

I find this Armageddon thing anticlimactic.

Mikey is still sleeping.

Brent said...

Anything happened yet?

Oh wow, hear the ... no wait it's a plane coming in for landing at Auckland airport..

Douglas Becker said...

Yes, and in the United States, the Air Force Blue Angels may have a fly by in your city on the Memorial Day Weekend, but don't go schizophrenic and think it's the return of Jesus Christ, Armageddon or the Beast Power arising.

No wait.

The Beast Power arising.

I think Mikey is getting up.

Douglas Becker said...

Now it's "present truth" is it?

Translation: "Past lies recycled".

Richard said...

Your interview was about as "lost" as the interviews Entertainment Tonight sometimes shows with actors.

Those clips aren't really lost. Someone simply forgot to check the archive computer. :-)

Mike (Don't Drink the Flavor Aid) said...

Looks like Andrew G is the winner of your contest. Ron now says that Christ returns on Pentecost, just not this one. Will be the next one, but when we get to next Pentecost, we'll find that somehow he didn't really say that.

brent said...

"....So candidly, I am disappointed that Jesus Christ hasn’t begun his return...."

But you as a prophet would have known that Ron?

You are, as some would say, a complete dickhead. I have never used that term before but it describes you so well. May your time in hell as a deceiver of some be one of eternal reflection.

I have no compassion for you, only pity. And more pity for those who may still believe you, as I do not have compassion for them either as they are beyond help if they now cannot see what their eyes reveal to them and they deserve all that comes their way.

The deceived can only ever be deceived.

Thorum said...

I have checked this blog and the others every few weeks beginning 4 years ago. Though I didn't expect Ron's predictions to come true, I did expect him to admit to being a false prophet. Frankly, I am just dumbstruck. What a nothing, a cloud, a spineless chunk of Jello. I do know something of the future, though. People will still follow him...

Anonymous said...

Where is your update.... I thought you'd been taken up and Ron left behind!!!!

Mike (Don't Drink the Flavor Aid) said...

I think that Dillweed may have taken Ron's advice by going fishing for the weekend. He and Dillweed Jr will probably be back in a couple of days to formally declare Andrew G the winner.