Monday, May 14, 2012
Total Resolve Fishing Trip
God's Infinite Mercy Pt 1(Summary)
Countdown: 14 Days
Remaining Sabbaths: 2
Fulfilled Prophecies: 0*
Failed Prophecies: Priceless
Ron’s Death Toll: 0
False prophet and Spokesman Witness Ronald Weinland spoke from, the Netherlands this Sabbath.
Members were warned not to visit other members unless they had a three or more week supply of food because they could be there a while… nukular destruction and all that. Ron does not know which third of the earth will be destroyed by the war. You’ll either be lucky or won’t, Ron can’t tell you – he’s no fortune teller. There’s something else he’s not, either.
Ron is still spending the US dollar while it has value. Interestingly, Ron thinks that things will be up and running three weeks after nukular war. Hmm.
The scattered church remains scattered, ignorant to Ron’s *yawn* Truths. How could I live without those? I have them written on a piece of paper I use as a coaster. They're very absorbent.
Junior and me prophesy that nukular war will not occur by next Sabbath and that Ron will be able to *ugh* deliver another boring message from his impotent God.
Three must see videos!
If you’ve never watched videos on your visits, shame on you! Repent! (by watching cat videos) and you’ll be spared the mighty paw of Junior’s angry cat God!
Junior is ‘stirring things up.’ He refuses to use Canadian night crawlers on our pre-armageddon, Total Resolve Fishing Trip.
Junior says he must have Russo-Canadian night crawlers from the melting, high arctic tundra. Seems like the same thing to me, but he claims they're hardier and will get more bites. He'll dig them up, but why do I have to put them on the hook for him? Opposable tumbs. Phhtt. He's just lazy. Oh, and who do you suppose will be cleaning and cooking fish, and cutting them up for him? Grrr.
Junior sent a video from his layover in Japan (where he claims to have stirred up they Asiatic hordes). I must have missed that in the video. After he put on a thick winter coat, he flew to Russia where there was an 'international incident'.
I got PLENTY stirred up when I saw the $4,500 plane ticket on my credit card! Why does he have to fly first class? He's not been selected to be anyone's feline vice-presidential running mate, yet. Unlike Weindland's infinitely merciful god, my credit card has limits!
Mikey for President. We need a cat in the White House!
I wouldn't want to be with him on the flight back, Junior is a shedder!
Epic! Ronald and Laura Weinland’s Ascension to Heaven.
Exclusive video of Ron and Laura’s path when they ascend to heaven. (From when Junior used one of his 9 lives. Ron and Laura will be surprised to find an angry cay God waiting.)
The Andrew G. slide rule correction for cats who can't subtract very well...14 days and 2 Sabbaths remain.
Your time runs short, Ron Weinland. Judgment day is coming.