Monday, May 14, 2012

Total Resolve Fishing Trip

A Prophet’s Log (Flush)
God's Infinite Mercy Pt 1(Summary)
Countdown: 14 Days
Remaining Sabbaths: 2
Fulfilled Prophecies: 0*
Failed Prophecies: Priceless
Ron’s Death Toll: 0

False prophet and Spokesman Witness Ronald Weinland spoke from, the Netherlands this Sabbath.

Members were warned not to visit other members unless they had a three or more week supply of food because they could be there a while… nukular destruction and all that. Ron does not know which third of the earth will be destroyed by the war. You’ll either be lucky or won’t, Ron can’t tell you – he’s no fortune teller. There’s something else he’s not, either.

Ron is still spending the US dollar while it has value. Interestingly, Ron thinks that things will be up and running three weeks after nukular war. Hmm.

The scattered church remains scattered, ignorant to Ron’s *yawn* Truths. How could I live without those? I have them written on a piece of paper I use as a coaster. They're very absorbent.

Junior and me prophesy that nukular war will not occur by next Sabbath and that Ron will be able to *ugh* deliver another boring message from his impotent God.

Three must see videos!

If you’ve never watched videos on your visits, shame on you! Repent! (by watching cat videos) and you’ll be spared the mighty paw of Junior’s angry cat God!

Junior is ‘stirring things up.’ He refuses to use Canadian night crawlers on our pre-armageddon, Total Resolve Fishing Trip.

Junior says he must have Russo-Canadian night crawlers from the melting, high arctic tundra. Seems like the same thing to me, but he claims they're hardier and will get more bites. He'll dig them up, but why do I have to put them on the hook for him? Opposable tumbs. Phhtt. He's just lazy. Oh, and who do you suppose will be cleaning and cooking fish, and cutting them up for him? Grrr.

Junior sent a video from his layover in Japan (where he claims to have stirred up they Asiatic hordes). I must have missed that in the video. After he put on a thick winter coat, he flew to Russia where there was an 'international incident'.

I got PLENTY stirred up when I saw the $4,500 plane ticket on my credit card! Why does he have to fly first class? He's not been selected to be anyone's feline vice-presidential running mate, yet. Unlike Weindland's infinitely merciful god, my credit card has limits!

Mikey for President. We need a cat in the White House!

I wouldn't want to be with him on the flight back, Junior is a shedder!

Epic! Ronald and Laura Weinland’s Ascension to Heaven.
Exclusive video of Ron and Laura’s path when they ascend to heaven. (From when Junior used one of his 9 lives. Ron and Laura will be surprised to find an angry cay God waiting.)


The Andrew G. slide rule correction for cats who can't subtract very well...14 days and 2 Sabbaths remain.

Your time runs short, Ron Weinland. Judgment day is coming.

Dill Weed


Douglas Becker said...

Well, we still need a Secretary of State and since Junior has been travelling, he'd be the purfect candidate, although Mikey would like to know a bit more about his stance on foreign policy.

There will be plenty of time to discuss this after the fishing trip and the Pentecost non event has passed (yawn).

And you need to do what I did and lay down the law: You catch 'em, you clean 'em.

jack635 said...

Hey, Lighthouse Landing. That's where you went last year. Have fun and enjoy the weather.

Ooops I forgot this blog is about false prohet Ronald Weinland. No comment.

More important than Ron,...what's wrong with Canadian nightcrawlers? All you need is a flashlight and you can pick them off the lawn at night for free.

Douglas Becker said...

"Time is short" has never had more meaning... for some people (you know who you are).

Brent said...

19th....Whoa.... 10 days until Jesus arrives folks.

I hope DoctorEx from ATS had sold all his poossesiuns, gievn the money to the poor and is fasting praying and waiting for it all to happen....

But he hasn't and he isn' goes the same for all Ron Weinland supporters.

I hope they all get good counsel afterward rather than go nuts an commit suicide.

Douglas Becker said...

The PKG (Pathetic Kook Group), after 7 more days, will be rejoicing and stronger than ever, having survived their delusions intact and being unable to admit they are complete kooks, will go on into the bright new future with their psychopathic con leader guru proven false prophet.

Their faith in the psychotic will remain unshakeable; their insanity will continue to run unabated.

Douglas Becker said...

And now, Six Days and counting!

Eric said...

From 2008, Gods final witness -

"Before this final three and one-half years comes to a complete end, all military forces around the world will have been destroyed, every economy will be decimated, several billion people will have died, and vast destruction will cover every part of the earth."

Hmmmmmm I seem to have missed all military forces being destroyed before the end of the 3 1/2 years. Our New Zealand Forces are business as usual and America (figures from late 2011) still has -

11 air craft carriers
75 Submarines
59 Destroyers
9,573 Tanks
145,212,012 men

Etc etc

And spends $692,000,000,000 of those worthless American dollars supporting them.

If on May 28th they are still there then it’s another complete failure for Ron to add to the list.

Douglas Becker said...

Yes, but Hasbro has come out with Battleship in RPX 3D -- an extinction level even for sure, by snarky aliens.

Maybe that counts.